Part B, the aging parents

My husband's parents are in their late 70s and live a 15 hour drive from us. The live with his 90 something year old grand mother. "Mom" has been a very bad girl and has racked up about $70K worth of credit card bills. And she calls my husband crying, wanting money. In the past year, he has refinanced our home and given her several thousand dollars. All in secrecy. We are not allowed to tell "Dad" as he will have a stroke if he finds out about this. We are not allowed to tell "Grandma" as she is another source of income for "Mom" and if she finds out, she will cut "mom" off.

So, in this whole tangled web of deceipt and lies, "Mom" came down with the shingles. Now, at her age, shingles are most commonly caused by stress. They lasted for 3 weeks and I have no doubt that she was miserable. They developed into trigeminal neuralaga in her face (which incidentally, is brought on by stress). My theory is that the woman will not get well as long as she is caught up in this web of deceipt and lies. My goodness....if I were $70K in credit card debt I'd be a bundle of nerves and stress myself!!!

The pain in "mom's" face will not go away. So, hubby flew down to take her to the doctor to have an injection done. That's the story I got. He flew 1 1/2 hours, rented a car, drove 1 1/2 hours, picked her up, drove 1 1/2 hours back to town to the doctor. Then drove her 1 1/2 hours home, drove 1 1/2 hours back to the airport for his 1 1/2 hour flight home.

Two weeks later he tells me he needs to make the flight/drive again to take her to the doctor for the injection. At that point I flipped out! Come to find out, truth be told, the first trip was just for a consultation. Hmmmm. Why could he not tell me that? Because he thought I would get mad at him spending the money just to drive his mom for a consultation. Duh!!!

Now, 6 weeks later, he is making the trip again. The daughter who up and quit her job said she would go with him, so he bought her a RT ticket. Of course, she got the new job at the cosmetics counter, so he is out that ticket. He is flying down early tomorrow morning. On our way back from his son's house tonight, his dad called to confirm that he is still coming down tomorrow. He said that he was, but that his daughter was not going to make the trip. "Dad" was quite upset and said that his mother-in-law who lives 3 hours from them had wanted to come up for a visit and to see my husband's daughter. My husband said to his dad, "I can drive down and get her". When he hung up the phone he sighed heavily and said, "family".

I said, "you do have the option of saying "no". He said, "no I don't." I said, "of course you do". He said, "you and I were raise differently, we have different feelings about our families, I do not have the option of saying no". I said, "it is just a word, and all of us always have the option of saying the word no".

I just wanted to smack him. Is this the HERO thing again? He is going to save his parents? From what? From themselves? Their debt? Their old age?

And I really wanted to scream at him that this has absolutely nothing to do with how either of us was raised. My goodness! I was raised a Baptist and went out on the street corners and handed out religious pamphlets every Saturday morning. I sure don't do that now! I was raised that it was a sin to drink, dance, gamble......and I sure don't believe that these days. I grew up going to church on Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday (lots of teen meetings and such). I don't do that today. I was raised eating meet and potatoes, everything smothered in gravy and all my veggies were in cream. I sure don't eat like that today. As an over age 50 adult, I believe that what I believe today is in part to how I was raised, but in a greater part to the decision that I have made to be what/who I am today.

And he thinks I'm going to "buy" into the concept that he has to tell his family "yes" because he was raised that way?

Should I call him a schmuck?

I suppose it is no sweat off my back if he wants to add another 3 hour drive to pick up his other grandmother. OK, make that 6 hours as it's 3 hours each way. But why? His parents will only complain....and who will take her back home?

The "sweat off my back" comes from the wear and tear on my husband that his parents are putting on him. If he had "terminal cancer" no one would be asking him to do the things they are asking. The wouldn't dare. I know they have absolutely no idea how incredibly sick this man is. He can barely move today because his back is in such bad shape. Yet he is going to get on that flight tomorrow morning and go be a hero to his parents and his grandparents.

So, could part C be any worse?