Memory Loss.
Have you ever seen the movie "gaslight"? I think that's the title. It's an old one. The husband tries to make the wife think she's lost her mind. Well....that's about where I am with all of this!
My DH does not remember anything I tell him when his sugar is low. Yes, it has gone so low that he has passed out. He has also had moments where he knows he's going to pass out. Scares the crap out of me...the very thought of me being a passenger in the car he is driving!
Problem is, he doesn't remember anything I say when he is getting "near low". So, later on, when I remind him of something that he agreed to do, he says that I never told him that. Lately, he has turned this on me and now declares that I never told him, I can't remember what I did tell him, and therefore, I am suffering from memory loss!
So I just wanted to remind myself to post here all those things that I have forgotten so that I will know it's not MY memory loss...it's his sugar lows that have gotten us to this point in our relationship! LOLOL!
How on earth does anyone out there stay married to someone with diabetes? I know that I love the man dearly...but is love enough to get you through all of this?
Thank goodness the diabetes counselor confirmed that I do not have any memory loss....but that this is standard protocol when his sugar is low. And it's his survival mechanism....to blame me, to say that I'm the one with a memory loss....rather than face what is happening to him!
Whew!
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2 comments:
Yes, I have seen the movie "Gaslight". I have even brought this movie up to my husband. To me it perfectly describes what life is like with a person who says things then later denies ever having said the horrible things to the wife he claims to love so much.
Your blog is scary. My husband is in the pre-diabetic stage. However, our doctor says pre does as much damage as full blown. He takes the oral medication twice a day. He eats a little better than before but not how he should and I just don't feel like being the food/diet police with him.
When he has a mood swing I have asked him to please take a bs reading. He refuses. He doesn't test his blood ever.
The mood swings have changed how I feel about him. He gets upset because he doesn't believe I love him and he loves me so much. Maybe he is right. I don't love him like I used to; not blindly and trustfully like before.
I'm tired of worrying what will set him off next. And I came into the marriage with two small children. It's hard to explain to someone/anyone how much you can hate the person you dearly love. This is the first time I've expressed this to anyone.
I found your blog tonight after yet another round with the beast that inhabits my husband. It takes less and less to upset me these days. I went back to the bedroom...snoring and different bedtime routines have us sleeping in different rooms. I got on my laptop searched "living with a diabetic spouse" and I found you.
I started with your lasted postings and then desided to go to the beginning. When you mentioned Gaslight I smiled for the first time since dinner. Thanks.
What scares me is this is a 2006 posting. I don't know if I can do this five more years. I am a cancer survior. When the man I married turns into the beast I just want to give up and die. How can someone I love make me think I would be better off dead? He makes me feel like a failure as a mother, a wife and a person in general. He makes me feel like I am incapable of giving and receiving love.
At times I think he is right. His mood swings are destroying my heart. Everytime another piece seems to fall away and die. Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? At this moment in time I think the hope of love is better than having love kill hope.
I just recently found this blog ang thought, wow! I'm not alone. My husband was daignosed just over 6 years ago, a few months after we were married. He is type 1. It's rare to be dagnosed with type 1 as an adult, but i guess it happens sometimes. He can be so cruel and hurtful sometimes that I just give up. Nothing I do is ever good enough so I just don't feel like trying anymore. I love him, yet so often I hate him. Does that make me a horrible person? Just glad I'm not alone in this
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