I'm in hell and don't know which way out!

Yes, it really is that bad.  I flew to meet him last Saturday and on the drive from the airport to the hotel, he started in arguing with me.  Manipulating me.  He wanted me to sit in the hotel room and babysit the dogs while he, his dad and brother went to a football game.  I had already told him I was not going to do that.  But he managed to get his dad and brother in on the act and I stayed.  I was so pissed off.  Still am.  But it has been like that almost non-stop since Saturday about one thing or another.

He has played the "I forgot" card, the "that's not what I heard" card, the "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that" card....you name it, he's played it.  This morning was a major blow out.  We drove home yesterday. He ate at 6:30 am and 11:30 am, then refused to eat after that.  Of course he crashed!  The apologized this morning.

Absolutely nothing has changed.  I was so pleased with all the changes I've made in the house and he merely felt threatened by them.  He wants everything back the way it is, but he's going back to his dad's, not staying here.

I'm exhausted already and can't wait for him to leave, but he's here for a whole week.  Sad, huh?

DW

Upcoming visits

I used to own and antique business in another state and when I moved here, I moved a gorgeous antique glass showcase.  It's about 6' tall and 3 1/2' square with all glass sides and glass shelves.  Then we moved it to my mother-in-laws so she could store her dolls in it.

Now, my sisters and I have signed up for a space in an antique mall and I need it back here!  So I'm flying out in a week to help hubby load it into the truck and bring it home.  I need to be there to make sure it gets packed well so it doesn't break....and to help him make the drive home.

He'll be here about 10 days.  He said there is more of his stuff that he wants to pack and take back.  In all honesty, there isn't too much of his left here!  But he's been gone a year, and I'm sure if I were in his shoes, I'd want all my stuff with me and not here.

I think it will be interesting to see how we get along while we are together.  His doctor finally decided to stop his prescriptions, so he has an office visit scheduled for when he is here and he will get all of his labs done.  It will be interesting to see if the labs have changed much in the past year.  He is living at a lower altitude, so I would think they might be better.  He hasn't been here since April and then he said he definitely noticed the altitude.  Will be interesting to see if it's worse for him on this trip.

A year ago, neither of our moms had died yet and I promise that none of us had a clue our lives were going to change so drastically.  Life sure is interesting!

DW

Time flies.....worse than ever!!!

My monthly update.  We had a flood here and it washed out all my lovely flower gardens!  Needless to say, I have been busy recreating them!!!  Life is still great.  Hubby is coming home for a week the end of next month.  Nothing has changed - I can tell.  I asked if he had made appointments with his doctors.  He has not see a doctor, nor had any lab work done since June 2012.  You know it's going to be bad news.  And no, he hasn't made any appointments.  We are with a huge HMO and he absolutely has to make the appointments this week, or he won't get in.  Is it my problem?  Nope.  But it just irks me to no end that he doesn't care enough to even get labwork done.  NOTHING HAS CHANGED!!!

Well...nothing has changed with him.  I think everything has changed or is changing with me!  I had the funniest experience that I want to share.  I used to work in this town 35 years ago and I had lunch with some of the gals I used to work with.  Over time, my name has gotten shorter.  Example:  Margaret, Margie, Marge.  (not my name, but you get the point!)  This gal knew me with my earlies name and a different surname and had read about me in an art newsletter with my shortened name and current surname and had no idea that I was the same person!!!  So I've decided to go back to using the name that I used when I lived here before.

Then I went to a garage sale one day and I just knew that I knew the woman hosting it.  But I couldn't make the connection.  3 weeks later I was going through old photos and realized she had been my son's babysitter 30 years ago.  I took the photos and knocked on her door and we just had a great reunion!!!

I have the time - and the energy - to renew old friendships.  That's been wonderful!!!

There have been some comments in the last month and I'd like to share them.  Day by Day wrote this:

I feel like I've found my family~ I try to convince my husband's family that he's Really bad off and not taking care of himself, and some of their responses hurt almost as much as this daily hell of watching him die!This group has given me quite a feeling of peace today- thank you SO much. My husband of 13 yrs. is non-compliant type 2 diabetic. At this stage he's sleeping more hours of the day than awake, his feet are so bad he can barely walk. He's given up and won't accept any help now. I've left him twice already, once to shock him out of it, once to save my sanity. Now I can only share some part of myself with people who know exactly what I'm talking about. I am encouraged by the post's that emphasize to take care of ourselves and make whatever future plans we need to, it really gives me some hope that I'll get through this somewhat intact.?? I hope - need this so much right now.

I really thought I was the only one going through this torture of watching someone you love...slowly go away. And I've left him twice- once to 'shock' him out of it, the second time to save my sanity. I'm back again and watching him die because he gave up. I would like to write more details, if it would help anyone else. I wanted to respond to 'waiting to live's comments, I relate so much to her thoughts. I feel like I can take a bigger breath now at least, knowing I'm in a bigger group that I never knew existed.
_______________

Well, you are definitely NOT alone!!!  While I've had a year off, I still go through the emotions every day.  I doubt it ever ends, even after the spouse dies.  I know that my hubby is lying in bed all day long at his dad's, watching TV.  I know he is not eating right at all.  But he's there and I'm here and I'm doing so much better at taking care of me.  And because of that, I'm feeling better than I have in the last 4 years!!!

_______________

Deb wrote:


've read your blog for quite a while now. I live with a diabetic partner too, so that's how I started reading it. Just wanted to say that I am very happy that you have found peace and a life for yourself!

Thanks Deb!!!

Jane wrote:

So glad to hear your update. Have thought of you often. You do not know me---but I am behind you on many levels for many reasons.


Well, Jane, I do not know you, but I'm sure our lives are on similar paths if you read this blog.  And because of that, I may know you better than those who know you!  LOL!!!  I guess what I'm saying is that wives of non-compliant diabetics are all sisters on some level.  And these blogs do help.  


Here's to all of us - may we have a great month!

DW

Another month gone by

I will try to post once a month just so I can remember what's going on.  Hubby is still living at his dads. He has now been gone 10 months.  I'm adapting nicely to being "single".  He still calls 2-3 times every day, but says he is not coming back here.  Week before last, he had to put our 13 yr old chihuahua to sleep.  That was very sad.  But it is so much better than having the pup suffer in pain.

I bought a new dining table and chairs.  I have always hated the one we had.  He bought it when he was still married to his ex.  I have not told him.  I put the old one in the garage.  I'm still busy in the garden and see absolutely no end in sight to that!  Taking up way too much of my time, but I love it.  Life seems to be flying by.  I rarely even think about diabetes.  I have much less stress, much less worrying.

He calls and says he is depressed, sad, tired.  I wonder why he calls to tell me things like that.  Does he want me to cheer him up?  It is not my job.  Does he want me to feel sorry for him?  It is not my job.  Does he think I can fix things for him?  It is not my job.  But I do wonder why he keeps calling so much.  Am I a "connection" to something he wants to hold on to?  Does he honestly think we can live apart for a year and then pick up where we left off should his father die?  What if his dad lives another 10 years?  No - I would not allow this to go on that long, but how long?

Family and friends are starting to ask me why we are still married.  I tell them I will not ask that question until it has been a year, then I will start asking.  But the questions are starting.  Do I want him to come home?  Could I live with him again?  Could we make a "home" together after so much time apart?  Am I refusing to move forward because this is "easy"? and the unknown future is frightening?  Am I just too comfortable with the current arrangement?  All questions I will face sometime, but not at this time.

For now, I'm continuing my own personal grief over mom's death. I'm growing as a person.  I'm healing after 4 intense years of caring for a diabetic roller coaster ride from near death to life.  And I think as long as I'm healing, I'm in a good place.

DW

Living a full life

at the moment.....

:o)

Who knew that I would love gardening?  It has come as a complete surprise to me!  Up and outside most morning by 6 am and working until 10 or when it gets hot.  I've built a 4x12 deck, framed in a porch over it in front of a shed that I'm converting to a play house....for me!  LOL!!!

Put in a timed sprinkler system.  Put in a terraced stone wall flower garden, 3 layers deep.  Learning that I can do just about anything I want to do.  Took an old youth bed, cut the sideboards and turned it into a bench for the new deck.  Dug up a pond, moved it, making flower beds and paths everywhere I can.  And to my amazement, things are surviving and growing.  :o)

Spending parts of most days with one of my sisters, crafting, visiting old friends, doing things I want.  It is nice.

Hubby still calls 2-3 times a day.  He has settled into a routine of taking care of his dad, shopping for groceries and other things, taking his dad to the doctor, taking the dogs to the vet.  He seems resolved to stay put and I'm still enjoying the absence of diabetes in my daily life.  He did have another optical migraine over the weekend.  That day he called me numerous times.  I know he gets scared when he can't see.  But he took his meds, took a long nap and it did eventually go away.  Other than that, things seem to be just fine.

As I meet new friends here, or hook up with old friends, and tell them our history, it makes me wonder how I've gotten through the past few years.  And then I remember - one day at a time.  I think it's sort of like gardening.  You just do a little bit every day, a couple of hours ever morning, and in 6 weeks you realize what great progress you've made!  So for those dealing with a non-compliant diabetic spouse, just take it one day at a time.  :o)

Just how noncompliant can you get?

It has now been a year since hubby has seen any kind of a doctor or had any labs done.

How long will they allow him to refill his prescriptions?

He is self medicating.  His humulin ru500 is now 50 units in the morning and another 50 units at night.  Remember, it is 5 x the normal insulin dosage.

How much is too much?

He has been gone 9 1/2 months.

I fill my days with gardening, crafts and family.

My nights are awfully lonely.

My denial of what I know he is doing to himself grows daily.

Denial is what keeps me surviving.

Time heals all

Hubby is much better.  His dad is getting better.  Still in the hospital, but making baby steps every day.  He's been in for 4 1/2 weeks now with no sign of getting discharged.

He is scared

Hubby called.  He is scared.  He has had almost non-stop diarrhea for the last week.  He can't eat a thing.  I told him to go to a doctor.  He said he won't go.  He's a thousand miles away.  His dad is still in ICU, battling kidney failure right now.  His brother went home.

History:
2009 Heart attack
2010 Bypass surgery
2011 Spinal fusion surgery
2012 Let go from work/moved/mother died
2013....

only 4 years since his heart attack.  only 3 years since his bypass surgery.  he should be good for at least 2 more years.

2 years since the spinal fusion surgery.  I honestly think that they re-routed his intestines as he has simply not had a correct digestive system since then.

Or is it the long-term diabetes simply catching up with his intestines?

Is he at "uncontrolled diarrhea" listed here?

Does he have diabetic neuropathy?

He is either going to get sick enough that he will want to see a doctor, or continue to suffer until he winds up in ER.  I feel so bad for him.  But I really can't help him.

He's back!!

I must really be a terrible person.  I am so not enjoying his company.  He is passing the worst gas ever.  We were in the car for an hour today and I thought I was goimg to vomit.  That's how rank it was.  I know he can't help it, but I can't stand that rank sweet smell that tells me his sugar is out of kilter.  Have you ever smelled what I'm talking about?

He has the volume on the TV so loud the floor vibrates.  Has he gotten that deaf?

H started out driving today and in 5 minutes he had to pull over.  He took a prescription pain pill last night and it made him start to get ill.  I was happy to drive, but I wonder why he even wanted to head out.

He bangs every single door whether it is the kitchen cabinets, the bedroom door or the front door.  I don't know why or when that started.  I think I am just over sensitive to everything right now.  But sad as it sounds, I am not enjoying his company.  Nothing has changed.  It's like I stepped back in time to 7 months ago.  All I can say is that I was blessed to have such a long break.  I am really, truly sorry that I feel this way.  I don't think he has a clue.  He is just like a bull in a china store...plodding his way through life completely obvious to how fragile things around him are!!!

has it been a month?

since I last posted???  WOW!  How time flies.  Hubby is still living a thousand miles away helping out with his dad.  Dad had a colonoscopy last Friday and is in surgery at this moment having 1/3 of his colon removed.  It's cancer.  Age 81.  They will send samples to the lab to see if it has spread to his liver and we will know in a couple of weeks.

Hubby seems to be holding up well.  His brother is there right now.  If all goes well, he will be here the end of the week for 10 days, then back to his dad's so his brother can go home.  I have packed up more of his stuff that he wants to take back with him.  Looks like this separation is for the long haul.

He was supposed to line up doctor's appointments and that didn't happen.  It has been a year since he last saw any of his doctors.  He continues to tell me that he will not go back.  I cannot worry about that.  What I do know is that his A1c is down because he has increased his Humulin Ru500 (5x concentrated) to 40 U am and 40U pm.  I know that is way, way, way high.  I cannot worry about that.

When we video skype, he looks different.  It will be good to see him in person.  I have not seen him since 1/22.  I can tell a lot just by looking at him.

I am keeping busy with gardening.  I'm also in the process of encapsulating the crawl space on my own.  That is a huge undertaking - hauling out chunks of concrete and other items one bucket at a time. I figure someone will find me dead under the house one of these days!  LOL!!!  My son has been coming here on the weekends and helping me dig up sod to put in new flower beds.  Time is flying.  Literally.  It has now been 7 months since hubby moved in with his dad.

I'm doing just fine.  :o)

DW

FIL is out of the hospital

Sometimes things are too funny to believe.  Hubby's dad woke up early Sat am and somehow had his partial plate tangled around his tongue.  The nurses couldn't get it out!  I think it scared them so they decided to discharge him.  Then he got his contact lens stuck in an eye and they had to suction it out.  

There are reasons why one should wear eye glasses and take their teeth out at night when you reach a certain age!  :o)

And a family of at least 7 skunks has come to life under the house, so the exterminators have been called and 4 have been trapped and relocated.  The remaining 3 (at least that many) had a squabble last night and I guess the smell is horrible.  I am glad I'm not there!

Can I tell you how much I am enjoying the reprieve from medical stuff?  From diabetes?  From highs and lows???  OK - also from channel surfing, grocery shopping, cleaning......from the roller coaster?

Some days I just sit here in my solitude.  Other days I am beyond hectic.  My youngest sister popped in for a visit today while I was out back cleaning out the shed and working in the garage.  Tomorrow another sister is coming to cut my hair.  Next weekend I will spend with a friend a hundred miles away while we get creative with our art.  I'm starting dance lessons with my youngest sister this week.  She's been going for  a few weeks and I decided to join.  

So....I sing on Mondays, dance on Tuesdays, do Bible study on Wednesdays, teach art on Thursdays....and try to keep my weekends free!!!  I know that things always change and this may not last, but I am truly enjoying life at the moment!  And I think it's finding it's own balance!

Hope the same goes for each of you!

DW

Even Steven

Where did that phrase come from?  LOL!!!  I think it's how to describe my life right now.  Good days and bad days...even numbers so things are in balance.

Hubby's dad is in the hospital and while I don't think it's too serious, he will be in at least 5 days and hubby is stressed to the max.  I'm noticing it.  Hubby doesn't remember that he told me something or that I told him something.  He is getting facts confused and his dates are out of whack.  He's done this in the past when he has high stress.  I have to handle the situation carefully.  "Yes, I know.  Don't you remember I told you your daughter called and told me that?"  And then he will say that he remembers. Or he will argue for an hour that I never told him his daughter called.  Some of it is comical.  Most of it just annoys me....like he should get a notebook and write it down.  LOL!!

I am continuing my cleaning spree!!  And that is keeping me busy!!   After I took down the cabinets in the garage I came across boxes of hubby's stuff he never unpacked.  So I decided to gut his bedroom.  Took down all the board type shelves and put in 2 huge glass front bookcases.  All his books, nick knacks and such are now behind closed doors....way less dust.  I bought him a new desk.  Will be his surprise when he comes home.  Of course the hutch was 2" too short for his monitor.  My incredible brother-in-law built a riser and it looks like its part of the hutch.  All the computer components fit nicely inside the desk and no more huge clumps of cables to stare at!  All the boxes are unpacked and everything has been put away.

So next week I will get back to working on the garage.  I'm also teaching art again.  2 classes this month.  And taking some classes.  It's all good!

Balance.  Even Steven.  Things are working out.  Evolving.  Just thought I'd let you know!

.

Sometimes I do wonder

How much a person can go through.  To Tom's wife, I truly understand.

I used to think in terms of "years".

2/2009 hubby had a heart attack in Mexico
3/2010 hubby had a triple bypass
2/2011 hubby had spinal fusion surgery and nearly died

Then things started speeding up...

3/2012 hubby was laid off
5/2012 we downsized by 2000 sf and moved 125 miles away, giving up our friends and lifestyle
7/2012 mom got really ill, started on hospice, required 24/7 care

Then weekly

9/14/2012 hubby's mom died
9/21/2012 my mom died
9/22/2012 I find out about hubby's credit card debt
9/30/2012 hubby approved for disability, files for bankruptcy

12/12/2012 we file for legal separation

A month cleaning out 2 houses
My 14 year old chihuahua has a heart attack and we are told he has 6 months to live

There have been so many many moments when I have not been able to breathe.  Panic.  Fear.  Grief.  Loneliness.  Sometimes it is just too overwhelming. Sometimes I simply can't think.  Some days I pretend its not me just so I can get thru the day.

Hubby continues to do well.  Thank goodness!  We continue to get along just fine.  Maybe we are meant to have a long distance relationship.  He has his moments when he wants to get in the truck and just drive home.  But he can't leave his dad.  I have moments when I want to hop on a plane, but I have responsibilities here.

Today was not a good day for me.  I ripped out all the old junk cabinets that were in the garage when we bought this house.  Symbolic?  Cleaning out the crap in my life?  Who knew that I could take out cabinets???  Last week I completely rearranged all the furniture inside the house.  Excess energy?  Working through all my grief?  Maybe I should just take up running!  LOL!!

Life does go on.  One step at a time.  One day at a time.  I am slowly getting back into a pattern, a routine.  A new pattern.  Not the same as it was before, but scheduling trips to the big city, dentist and doctors visits, taking a few classes....getting back into life.

There are still moments when I miss mom so much I have a good cry.  Still times when it hurts to breathe.  Still days when I don't get out of bed.  But they are fewer and far between.  Slowly, life is getting back to life.

How much more can I take?  I'd rather not even think about it!!!

Life is too funny - in retrospect!!

I didn't leave!  Well, I tried.  Got 10 miles east and my car died.  Literally.  Guess it should...it's 11 years old.  No one here wants to fix it.  The dealership wants $4000 to fix it and I can't see putting that much into a car that old.

So we bought a new car today.  A small compact that gets excellent gas mileage.  I'm delighted.  I will stay til Sunday as hubby's birthday is Saturday.  Had to cancel all my plans at home.  Hopefully my brother-in-law can help hubby fix my old car when he comes to visit...he's a pretty good mechanic.

Needless to say, I just went right back to cleaning.  It's a never ending thing with this place.  Tackled a very old chandelier with at least 50 glass prisms and it came out gorgeous!!

FIL continues to make progress.  He's more alert, participating more and more in conversations.  Went to the dealership with us today.  Doing much better at taking his medications on time.  Hubby seems to be doing better as well.  He is laughing and teasing more.  I've seen more of the old hubby in the last month than I have in the last 4 years.  Maybe this is a good place for him to be.

So even though I've had a setback in getting home, it's been a good week.

DW

My last day here

Tomorrow is my last day and then I'm heading home.  Very mixed emotions for both of us.  We know he has to stay.  We're pissed off that his brother isn't willing to help out.  I'm peaceful about being separated.  Exhausted at all the cleaning, sorting I've done.  Pleased that the guys will be living in a clean place.

Tomorrow will be bittersweet.  Hubby has been doing very well for the most part with is diabetes.  He has to remind his dad twice a day to take his shot and he takes his first so he can tell his dad he already took his.  Maybe he needs someone to take care of?   Maybe having someone else with diabetes helps him?

Overall, it's been a good month and we have gotten along better than we have in the past 4 years.  Isn't that an eye opener?  I will fly back in a couple of months and hold a huge estate sale.  I have a 2 1/2 car garage full to the brim with stuff.  And I've found a few treasures to take home....mostly genealogy files and photographs to scan in.

I am looking forward to getting some good rest.  To having some alone time.  To seeing my sisters.  I have not had a moment to work on any of my art projects that I brought with me, so I'm looking forward to that as well.

Been a pretty good month.

DW

Losing vision with lows

We were going into a small cafe at lunch today and hubby was having a low.  He couldn't see.  Scared me to death!!

Walked right up to the counter and told the first gal I saw that he was having a low, did they have OJ.   She brought him a tall glass so fast.....  And he was just fine.  But she was more upset than anyone.  Came over several times to check on him and said she knew she could find a candy bar if he needed one.  I just thought that was so cute!

Came home and he slept most of the afternoon.  Seemed to be just fine this evening.  I reminded him that hie as to take care of his himself so he can take care of his dad.  He promised to put glucose tabs in the truck.

I'm making great progress here and have a week left to go which will be so hard as there is still so much to do.  Happy with what is getting done!

DW

Scott wrote:

Wow - just found this blog - seems like i'm in the same boat as everyone else -- except that it's my wife of 17 years with uncontrolled type 2. i like your mantras - can relate to all of them, and I say them myself, and hope one day that I'll actually believe what it is that I'm saying. She lied to me (again) last week about her numbers - came out and said she had checked her blood 3x that day and that all were in the 100s, but then i checked her meter and found she only checked once and it was 275, and that she maybe checked 1x over prior days and all results were poor. For me, it was the straw that broke this camel's back as I told her that I cant continue like this (it's gone on for years already) and that I wanted a divorce. She begging me to stay. We have a 13 year old child. It's a nightmare.... 



I haven't done the research, but I'm going to guess that diabetes is not sex specific.  I'm going to guess the way that it works to destroy blood cells, limit oxygen to the brain, damage the heart, memory....how a person reacts to highs and lows...is pretty much the same in a man or a woman.

I have often wondered why they lie about their numbers.  I always think that if he loves me, he will tell me the truth.  The reality is that he almost always lies about his numbers.  Especially when he wants to go out to eat!!!  "Oh, I was only 105 this morning, we can go out for lunch!" Yeah, right!

And I will confess that I am the world's slowest learner.  But at least I am still learning!  LOL!!!

We all have to keep our sense of humor in order to stay sane.  So, Scott, I'd like you to know that my "camel's" back has been broken so many times that it's now a sway back camel!  :o)  I always think, "this is it, I'm done" and then I remember a good time, or he promises to be good, or he begs to stay.  

So explain this one to me.  We have filed for a legal separation, but I'm at his dad's cleaning, sorting, fixing, moving dad into MIL's apartment, moving hubby into dad's MBR.  Why am I the one doing all the dirty work?  And I cannot begin to explain how filthy dirty, dust covered - grease soaked most of this house is!  I am pulling out papers, wool and silk clothing - loaded with worm eggs.  I have had moments when I want to vomit.  I bought some really thick painters gloves that come up to my elbows, a face mask and do you know what happened?  His dad was offended!!!!  I did laugh!  I suggested that he pull everything out of the drawers and when I showed him a pair of silk long johns embedded with worm eggs.....he decided I could cover up no matter how I wanted!

For us, we have to go about this slowly.  I have to act married until he realizes that we are not.  We have to live separately  - I'm going to guess for at least 2 years.  I know him.  I know myself.  We can't just divorce and be done with it.  It's not who we are.

One of my sister's best friends was married to a non-compliant diabetic.  He decided he wanted a divorce.  He got healthy.  He lost weight.  He exercised.  He no longer has diabetes.  And she took care of him all those years (nearly 40) for what?

I'm thinking life is way too short for me to be here cleaning or for you to live with a wife who can't quit denying what her numbers are (obviously that's what she's doing).  And I think a 13 year old might understand, but if it were me, I'd seek custody.  Think of the ramifications of a child left with a mom who lies.  I often think that if they give themselves permission to lie about the numbers, they will give themselves permission to lie about everything else. 

You do not have an easy road.  But know that we understand and that no matter what you decide to do we'll cheer you on!

DW

Tis the season for sugar highs!!!

I know it was Christmas.  I know it's a day of celebration.  But must they eat every piece of chocolate in the county?  LOL!!!

Hubby and I are at his dad's and things are going fairly well.  We decided not to tell anyone that we have filed for a legal separation.  I have been cleaning and sorting like an insane person.  And I do think there is some insanity with this.  My in-laws had not cleaned in forever.  I have never actually seen dust bunnies.  About and inch deep on top of her dresser.  Not just the very top, but the top, the shelves, everything sitting on it, dolls, stuffed animals, the tops of the curtains.....my asthma had a rather rough day today and I need to find a vacuum cleaner around here and sweep up as much as I can before I start in tomorrow.

It's sort of funny/sad.  There are dresser drawers that I cannot open....it's been that long since they were last opened and the wood has swollen and warped.  I opened one today and pulled out a pair of silk long johns that were filled with moth eggs.  gag me!  But I'm making progress.  Have sorted out all the dolls and gave them all to the grandkids and great grandkids via Skype.  Have sorted out all the linens, Hallmark Ornaments, and have bagged over 300 pieces of costume jewelry and will have my FIL help decide who gets what on that.  Every single closet in this house is bulging.  My MIL never tossed a thing.  So most of what is here is worthless.  It's just so old.

Both hubby and FIL have diabetes.  FIL's glucose runs from 200 to 499.  Not very good control at all  We are trying hard to remind him to take his insulin shots, eat on a schedule, take his pills (4x a day) and just keep him on some kind of regular schedule.  He is 79.  He sleeps way too much.  I'm sure much of that is the depression of losing his wife.  They had been married 59 years.  He has moments when he wants to get rid of everything that was her's, but I am pulling out little things to keep and set on shelves here and there  I told him that the Grandkids need to see their grandma's things when they come to visit and he was ok with that.

I have 3 weeks down here and find I am running from 6 am to 10 pm....and hubby is doing pretty good about helping out when I ask.  He is mostly sorting through paperwork while I go through stuff and clean.  We are moving FIL into the attached apartment that his mother used to live in.  Hubby will then move into the master bedroom in this part of the house.  Then everything else has to be sorted, gotten rid of, etc.  We figured if we got FIL into the apartment and got him to downsize to that, then it would be easier to get rid of the rest of the stuff.....and put the house/apartment up for sale.  I still think it's going to take 2 years!!!

Life is good when you keep this busy!

DW

My sincere apologies

to those who have emailed me in private these last 3 months and I have not responded.  Not to make excuses, but my laptop died and I have been blogging from my ipad.  Not the easiest thing to do.  And I use yahoo as my email for this blog and it somehow was attacked by a website that posted 3 - 4 emails a day.  So when I looked, I never saw your emails!

Today....I am the proud owner of a new laptop!  YEAH!  And as I was transferring email accounts over....I stumbled on so many emails from all of you.  Most about the time that mom died.  I'm actually happy to have waited to read them tonight.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!  I did try to respond to each one of them, so if you did not get a note from me and you wrote to me, try again!  (I think I got rid of the spammer!)

Also today, we got all the paper work notarized and filed.  It was a terribly busy day.  Some sadness.  But we both agree this is the route we need to take.  As I wrote to someone, I am grateful that I know I will be getting a 6 month break.  I need it.  I am going to rest.  Work in my garden in the spring - they are all flowers if I didn't mention that.  I planted 120 tulips last fall and am anxious to see if any pop up this spring! The climate here is a bit warmer than where we lived, so I'm not sure I've planted them too deep for the old months.  I will find out soon enough!

I have to repaint the ceiling in the house, take are of a few other things when I get back.  So I will be busy and I will keep posting.  We are moving forward with debt reduction negotiations with his creditors.  That will be an interesting project.  I've done a ton of research so I think we can handle this on our own.  When I went to the court house today, the clerk was impressed with how accurately we had completed all the paperwork and said that we didn't miss a single form. She couldn't remember that ever happening.  I was pleased.  If one can be pleased about getting a separation.

Once again, my apologies to all of you who wrote when mom died.  I do think I'm going through the grief process just fine and am on the upward side of things.  Life is starting to look a little better.  I'm getting more active with my art and will teach classes once I get back home.  Hopefully I can have 6 months of happy posts here!

DW

Agreeing to agree

He is home and things are going ok.  Medically:  horrible digestive problems.  Not sleeping.  Terrible back, hip pain.  Glucose a little high, but better than it has been.  40 units of humulin ru 500 each am and pm.  That's a ton of insulin going in.

We are heading back to his dads this weekend as his brother will be flying home.  I will stay 3 weeks then drive home.  He will stay 3 months, then home a month, then back for 3 months.  Then we will reevaluate.  We have agreed to get a legal separation and he is going to quit claim deed the house to me.   Probably the best of all worlds for now.  I see a difference in him.  He now has to look after his dad and it is wearing on him.  Yes, I could stay with him, but he actually wants me here as he's not comfortable leaving our home unoccupied for an extended period of time.  I also think he does not want me to have the stress of being there when I want to be here with my family.

It is interesting as I see my family moving forward thru our grief process over mom ....and his family is not.  They still talk as though his mom is coming home tomorrow.  His dad was here for 2 days...to meet his gr grandchildren.  I agree with my hubby that if they moved his dad right now, it would kill him.  So we are agreeing to agree to this arrangement for the next 6 months, then we will reevaluate it.  Hubby does not want to stay at his dads, but for now, it's what he thinks is best.  I'm letting him call the shots as I do not want to be blamed for anything that goes wrong.  And I think a legal separation may be a soft way to proceed with a divorce.  I'm not saying that we won't live together in the future, but for now, this is what we both agreed will work best.

And this may just be the whack on the side of the head that hubby needs to wake him up.  He is still extremely upset at how fast his mom died and with absolutely no warning.  I guess he thought that really didn't happen??  I am praying that he realizes what this would do to those who love and care about him if he drops dead from a heart attack.

Needless to say, it will be an interesting few months and I am planning to use my time to rest and gear up for whatever the next phase of my life might bring!!  I will continue to post updates to his medical condition from time to time.

DW