Home

He's home.

This is not my disease.

I can not change him.

I cannot fix him.

He is going to die.

This is his life, not mine.

There is no reason for me to get upset because I cannot change him.

These are his choices.

I am the only person who can make myself happy.

Just some of the mantras that help me get through each day, moment by moment.

Things are going pretty well.

As long as I remind myself of the above...moment by moment.

He is very happy to be home.  We have so much to do.  So many decisions to be made.  But not today.  His dad and brother are here and that is more than enough stress for me.  I also am not doing well with all the indecisiveness going on.  So i am moving forward with my own plans.  I will go back to his dads with him in a few weeks and stay until about 1/13.  Then I will come home.  He can make his own decisions.  Life will continue no matter what he decides.  This much I have learned!

Little things that he doesn't see.  He got home Friday night.  It is now Sunday night.  So in the last 48 hours, here is what he has eaten

Pound of grapes
Half pound of chicken
Quart of v8 juice
Egg muffin
Egg, bacon. Potatoes and muffin breakfast at a restaurant
5 slices of a large pizza
Egg, bacon biscuit
Meet, cheese and cracker tray
Burrito, potatoes and rice at a restaurant
Chips and salsa
Half a box of vanilla wafers

I cannot afford to have him here!!!



But for  now, all is well.

For that, I m extremely grateful.

DW

And the plans have changed again!

Now, hubby, dad and brother are leaving early tomorrow and will drive straight thru.  They will be here a week and then drive back.  Hubby will stay with his dad for 2 months, then come home for a month while his brother stays with their dad.  They will rotate this for a year???  I'm not sure I like that at all!!!  But maybe it will work out.  Who knows.  All I know is that I was not expecting them here for 3 more days so I better get busy!!!

Progress...somewhat

No bankruptcy.  He agreed to cash I a pension and use those funds to pay off his debt.  The attorney will work with his creditors to get the balance as low as possible.  Once that's done we will see where we are financially.  I am pleased that he will not go through bankruptcy.

He may be home by the middle of the month.  Bringing his dad and brother with him.  My biggest question is what is the plan if his dad moves here and hubby gets sick?  I cannot be responsible for his dad.  His brother has to agree to come get him.  And I think we all know that hubby will get sick.

Kind of amazing that he's been so healthy the pasta 2 months, huh?  I think he can stay healthy here, or go back to his dads!!!

I am doing good.  Walking a again, eating healthy, getting more done around here.  You know how it is when you move into a new place. You put things away just to get them inboxes.  This week I've been organizing a bit.  I had meds in 3 different places and now they are all in one place.  Things like that.  Feels good to make a little better sense of where things are.

Busy week ahead.  My sister got all moved in and we have been working to get all of her stuff unpacked.  Will be so nice once we all all settled.  So I now have 2 sisters living where I do and our brother is 30 minutes away.  Our other sis is about 4 hours away so guess we start working on her!  She says not until she retires.  Ha ha!

I plan to totally enjoy these last few days before the drama starts in.  Yes, I will still talks to a divorce lawyer....but I do plan to go very slow and make a solid decision, not one based on anger.

DW

Grrr....Hsss....

He can drive me insane at times like this.  We have a very old laptop (2001) that we use as a media server in this house.  We do not have TV, cable, etc., so he loads movies on to external hard drives attached to this laptop and we can watch the movies from any room.

So the server needed to be rebooted and when I did that, it lost it's connection to the wireless network, and forgot the password.  I typed in the password I thought he used.  It's only 22 digits long.  A little paranoia there?  I have begged him over the years to make it shorter....nothing doing.

It came back invalid.

I called hubby and asked him if he could give me the password for the home network.  I was then back at the desktop in his bedroom.  So he says (blah blah blah) and I said, no, that's the log in password for that computer.  Way too short for the internet password.  He says, "which wireless are you trying to log into?"  I said (2nd time) the "home network".  He says "B----?" and I said, "yes".  So he starts quoting the password and I said,  "no, that's wrong, it starts with N-----"

And he said, "what network are you wanting?"

And I said, "OK, I cannot deal with this tonight.  I just don't need this".  And I hung up on him.
He called right back, but I didn't answer.  I mean, seriously, how many times do I need to tell him which network?  We only have 2 networks.  One for him to use and one for me, guests, anyone else, including the media server and it's just identified as "home".

He has to be having a sugar crash to be this dumb.

OR......

he's watching something on TV at his dad's and is trying to talk to me, but is paying more attention to whatever is on TV and not hearing a word I'm saying.

Let's take a poll.....what do you think???

OK, I need to have a little fun out of this, but I swear that when he gets "stupid" like this it absolutely drives me insane.  I'm going to bet that he calls me back at 9:30 pm when his "Sunday night TV shows" are over.

In the meantime, I did track down the password by going into his desktop and looking at his keychain.  Sure enough, there it was.  Sigh.  At least I can now watch a movie tonight.  I totally think I should put a TV in the bathroom where I could take a long hot bath and watch a movie!  Should be a requirement for any woman!

Duh!!

DW

Life is hard

And I haven't had a moment to think.  Cleaning my sisters new place, helping her move, art classes, family...the days are flying by that's for sure.  Long distance marriage is getting interesting. Hubby wants to file for bankruptcy and I am opposed to that.  I know that he has ran his credit card bills up too high and that it wasn't his fault he was laid off.  But I do not want to risk losing this house or the small inheritance from mom, so I will meet with his bankruptcy attorney next week and plan to include divorce in that discussion.

Once that's done I will talk to a divorce attorney.  One step at a time.  In the meantime, I'm moving forward with some much needed dental work, new glasses, etc., and I want to take care of it before hubby gets home.

Thanks to those who wrote such nice words after my last post.  It really helps to know you know what I've been through.  While I have a hope that hubby and I will work it out, I've decided to make sure I cover all bases.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I went to my brothers and had a perfect day.

Dw

Truly considering a divorce

No, I won't make that choice yet, but I may tell  him I'm ready.

Twice now, he has wanted me to do something that I didn't want to do (financial stuff) and each time he has said, "if you don't want to do this with me, what is the point of staying married?"  I realize that he is simply saying this to manipulate me.  And I'm about ready to tell him that there is no point to staying married.

I've been on my own for 2 months now.  Missing him less and less.  Feeling more and more like suggesting he stay with his dad and we do a trial separation, or a legal separation.  Maybe I'm just in a bad mood tonight because he called today,  wanting something else.  When he started in with the "you just don't love me ..."  I told him to stop and hung up on him.

But I have to confess that he did not sound right and I should have known that the minute he started  talking he was not well.  Sugar off?  He hasn't done labs since June.  As of tonight, he can stay where he for another 6 months!  LOL!!!

Maybe I had forgotten how it is to live without diabetes and maybe I like this.

I'm sure time will tell.  I'm not sure I have the strength to go through a divorce.  But I may at least talk to a lawyer.  Mom once said that when she died all of her kids would fall apart.  Maybe this is me falling apart.

DW

Fabulous week!!!

A friend of mine from our old home came to visit and spent a week.  We had so much fun.  Ate out.  Shopped.  Took a couple of art classes.  Hosted an art class here.  Talked forever.  I cannot believe how fast the week went.

Hubby is getting more and more homesick.  Planning to come home the second  week of December now, so I have much to do before that!  Starting to get cold outside, so I'm cutting back on my yardwork.  But what great therapy that has been this summer.  I can hardly wait for spring to see if the 120 tulips I just planted come up!  I still have flowers to cut back - hopefully next week.

So it's been a week since I've had a moment alone.  A cousin came to stay last night and 2 of my sisters were here.  2 other friends stopped by so there were 7 of us here around the table laughing and creating.    Sort of glad hubby is gone.  I think every spouse of a diabetic need a couple of months off every year!  I may have to send him to visit his dad every winter....that's if his dad doesn't move here.  Nope, not even going to think about any of that right now.  Just continuing to enjoy the break, have a little fun, get a few more things done and prepare for the coming storm when he gets home!  LOL!!!

DW

Life is good

Hubby is still staying with his dad a thousand miles away.  And will be gone at least another month.

He still complains, but I don't have to hear it all day long.  He still does not sleep at night.  Still gets upset at the tiniest thing.  But it is nice to be far away and not deal with it.

Can I maintain when he gets home?  I'm going to try!

No labs since June.  No way to really know how he is doing.

I do worry.  But I just put the thoughts on the back burner.  Enjoying this reprieve, using the time to get in some good rest.  Enjoying a very quiet solitude.  Spending lots of time with my sisters.  Doing things I have put off for years.  It really is nice!

DW

Has it really been 11 days?

since I last blogged?  How can it possibly be 4 weeks since mom died?  5 weeks since his mom died?  I feel like I only blinked my eyes once.....life is just on fast forward.

We had our second grief class this week and I feel certain that my sisters and I are on tract.

Hubby is still 1000 miles away with his dad and I feel certain they still have not even started the grief process.  FIL wants to go shopping every day and I told hubby today that I think it's way of avoiding facing his grief and that rather than shopping, they drive by places FIL and MIL used to go together, sort of gently force the grieving to start.

But can you imagine.....both men are diabetic???  Feeding off each other????  I have simply decided to stay home and go through my grieving alone.  And I have to say, I am enjoying the caregiver break!  I am getting rested, started watercolor painting classes, taking the grief class, walking, eating much more healthy, and going to start a Bible study.  Finally.  Time out for me!

I do know that I will eventually go.  But hubby are doing ok with a "skype marriage".  We talk several times a day, probably more than we did when together.  We are talking a ton about what is said in my grief classes and I think he needs this.  He's just fine talking about my mom.....hopefully that will progress to him talking about his mom.

Still no idea where FIL is going to end up living.  Still no progress on sorting through MILs things.  I think I'm ok if hubby decides to stay with his dad most of the winter.  He's thinking of flying home for a few days in late November.  It really is amazing how much business you can accomplish with emails, online signatures, skype....it's really a new world, isn't it?

In the midst of all of this, we have changed health insurance and gone from premium option to standard option.  It is the first time in my entire life that I have not had premium insurance and I think the co-pays will kill me.  But we can no longer afford the cost of premium insurance.  Retirement does that.  I told hubby he simply has to go less, and be more in control of his own body, not require doctors to review him every other month.  We now live in a tiny community and have to drive over 100 miles to see a specialist.  He can get labs done here, so we will stay on top of that for sure.  Of course, he has gone a year in the past without getting labs.

Things do seem to be settling into a routine of sorts.  I have no idea how long we can maintain this way, but for now, all is good.

DW

Hospice, so wonderful

They offer support for an entire yer to the whole family.  My sisters and I will start a class this week.  Last week we went to a group session...just to hear what they had to say.  I think it will help.

Grief applies to spouses of diabetics as we lose the normal spouse we married and as we lose his ability to do things.  The loss of sexual relations due to ED.  The loss of having an able bodied spouse who can help.  The loss of money that goes to pay for medical expenses.  The loss of a job because you have to take care of someone else.  The loss of the marriage because you can no longer take all the highs and lows.  There are just so very many losses with this disease.

Last week they said don't do anything fast.  Don't make any quick decisions.  Don't get rid of the deceased's stuff.  I thought that was interesting.   We gave out all of moms belongings within a week.  She was staying with my sister who just wanted to get back some semblance of a normal life and she had given up her bedroom for mom to stay there.  I will never fault her for doing what she did with such great speed.

But hubby's dad is different.  He will need to hold on to MILs stuff, touch it, feel it, remember her through it.  Proof we each grieve in a different way.  And I think each of us spouses must surely grieve the loss of our healthy spouses in a different way.

I wonder what would happen if I went to a grief support group and said I was there to grieve the loss of my healthy husband.  Would they ask me to leave?  But that is exactly what I did for quite a long time.  And I go thru the whole grief process every time we have to give up something we enjoy doing because he has a new set of problems.

I hope that as I progress thru this series of classes that I can process the loss of my mom and his mom.  But I hope I can apply it to the loss of my healthy husband as well.  It's going to be interesting to say the least.

Tonight he is tired and wants to come home, but knows that he has to stay there until his sister in law arrives which will be a few more weeks.  He was listing all the things he missed here...but sort of changed his tune when on I said I missed him....I missed him mowing the yard, missed him picking up the mail, missed him doing this and that.  Maybe he's not missing it here nearly as much as he thought!  LOL!!!

DW

Someone said

Now is my chance to leave him.....back on my lst post.  Well, I've had enough grief counseling in my life to know that now is not the time to make any life decisions.  I need to put anything like that off.  I need to grieve the loss of my mom.  Not leave hubby.

We are learning to live as a Skype couple.  At least with Skype y can see each other when you talk, see the body language.  We are working thins out.  He is going g to stay there and I am going to stay here.  As long as it takes.  Neither of us are going to make any major decisions.

And I think that is perfect.  I am getting a much needed break.  And finding time to be with my sisters so we can get through the grieving process.  It must be different when you lose a second parent.  It sure feels different.  I think it's going to take a long time.  But we will get through it together.

And hubby is learning what it is like to care for a parent.  Maybe in that process, he will start taking better care of himself.  I am not worrying about him.  I am doing just fine on my own.  Hopefully when he does come home, things will be better.  Ok, I have earned the right to dream!!  LOL!!!

My biggest problem is that since mom died, I haven't been able to sleep.  In fact,none of us have.  S this week I'm going to work on that.  Ha!  I'm setting goals.  I think that's a good thing.  Lets hope I get a little more sleep tonight.

DW

A very rough day.

Here we are, about a thousand miles apart.  Each of grieving the loss of our own mom without the support of each other.  Hubby got mad because he took something I said the wrong way...so he decided we should get a divorce.  Was that a sugar low?  How can I tell?  I'm here, not there.  I have no idea if he is doing what he needs to do to keep his sugars in control.  I imagine not.

I went to grief counseling.  Maybe good ideas.  I called him and told him what they said.  He agreed with everything.  This was 6 hours later.  We're his levels back in control?  Within 6 hours he changed from getting divorced to loving me and staying together.

I have learned to give him time when stuff like this happens.

I did NOT need this today!!  In fact, I don't ever need it!!

Perhaps he finally gets it that we both have to grieve and it is going to be in different ways, at different speeds, and different processes?  I suggested to him that he needs to fly home and give his dad a few days alone so his dad can start to grieve.  He said maybe.  I know he is scared to death his dad will die alone.

We may be apart awhile.  The longer I am here, the more he schedules for me to do.  And I'm fine with that because its all stuff that has to be done.

And I think I need some space and time alone to grieve my loss.

Hopefully, he will keep his promise to me not to threaten divorce every time he gets upset over something I say.  I sure hope tomorrow is a better day.  I've had my stress quota for the month already!

DW

And some good news, finally!

Hubby was approved for Social Security disability.  No appeals.  It only took them 6 months.  I had expected it to take 2 years and all the appeals.  So medically speaking, is he worse than I think?

Will be grateful for the extra income...it will help.

Really hard week grieving my mom.  My birthday week.  What a combination.  Hubby wants me with him...I told him I just need a little more time.  I don't have the energy yet to face cleaning out his moms stuff.  I'm not sleeping most nights.  Hopefully in another week....

DW

How much stress...

can a couple handle?

Hubby was laid off/retired in March.  Our income was reduced by 80%.  We cashed in all our savings, sold tons of stuff, downsized by 2/3 and moved 125 miles away the end of May.  From big city hectic life to a small retirement community.

3 weeks ago, I had a lumpectomy.  A week ago last Friday his mom passed away.  Last Friday he buried her the same day my mom passed away.  Today we buried my mom.

Hubby is 1000 miles away taking care of his diabetic, heart patient dad.  I am here taking care of things that have to be done after my mom's passing.  Then I will have to join hubby and help him sell off everything and put his dad's house on the market and move his dad.

My diabetic husband who could barely take care of himself, staying with his dad.

I wonder if we will survive.  I honestly wonder how long his dad will live.  He has a pacemaker in.  He has had numerous heart attacks.  Diabetic. If I remember correctly, he takes 72 pills a day (many of them are vitamins and nutrients) but what a sight to sit and watch him count them all out every morning.

I worry that hubby will say there is no reason to stay here now and want to move somewhere else.  I just don't think I can move again.  I don't see how.  But there is no reason we couldn't move into his father's home and take care of him there - I can feel him thinking that - he just hasn't asked that question yet.

Tonight, I'm emotionally drained.  So hard to bury your own mom.  Maybe the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I will cherish the memory of her forever.

DW

My mom

Mom passed away at 2:13 pm on Friday.  I am sooooooo grateful that I made it home in time.  And that hubby was able to get back to his parents to attend his mom's funeral on Friday.

Who could ever fathom the timing of this.  Both of our mom's going a week apart.

Both of us separated by more than a thousand miles.  I know he wants to be here with me, but he has to be there.  I feel like I need to be with him, but know I have to be here.  We bury my mom tomorrow.

It is certainly a mixed bag of emotions.  I know I'm not doing well at processing any of this.  I knew mom was dying.  But I didn't really think it would be this soon.  I sat and watched my dad die 20 years ago.  But this was different.  Mom's fingers and the palms of her hands started to turn purple.  The hospice nurse (oh! they were so kind and gentle with her and with us) explained the process.  They thought she had an hour left.  Her heartbeat was 138 beats per minute.  Her breathing was 26 breaths a minute.  They said equated to her running a marathon.  She ran that marathon for 4 more hours.  I personally think her heart gave out.  They kept her well sedated with morphine.

I was sitting on the right side of her bed, praying for her to be out of her pain and I thought her face had started to turn purple like her hands had done.  So I stood up to look at her whole face, and it looked rosey pink.

I walked over the the other side of her bed and sat down and started counting her breath rate.  Still the same that it had been for the last 4 hours.  I prayed that it would slow down.  I knew she was still running her marathon.  That was 2 pm.  At 2:05, I counted again, still the same.  I don't know why I was counting so often, but it gave me something to do.  My 3 sisters were out in the kitchen talking.  My brother was sitting over on the sofa.  Most of us had severe back pain at this point, but I couldn't leave her side.

At 2:08 pm, she suddenly did not take a breath in.  I sat up straight and started counting seconds in my head.  At 30 seconds I said to my brother, "tell the others, mom quit breathing."  Just as my sisters walked in, she took a deep breath.  And for the next 5 minutes - what seemed an absolute eternity, she would quit breathing, then take in a breath....probably less than 1 breath per minute.  Her face drained of blood, her tongue had literally turned black.  We had heard the death rattle for the last 4 hours.  We knew it was time.

I could not look at anyone for the tears.  I just sat there.  I was so relieved because she was out of pain.  But I was in so much grief I thought I couldn't breathe.  Know that she had been in such excruciating pain that at times, she would cry out for God to take her.  My heart just ached for her when she did that.

And now it was over.

We had so many people to call and tell.  So many emails to send out.  She had 5 children and each of us grieve so differently.  I needed to be creative....and was.  The sister next to me rearranges furniture, the next one drinks that youngest one cleans and my brother called me every hour just to connect.

It's been 3 days and it seems like time stopped the moment she quit breathing.  When my hubby called today I told him that I have to stay here as long as my siblings need me.  He agreed.  But his brother flies home tomorrow and that will leave him alone with his dad and he said he was so afraid that his dad would die before I got there.  I said, "Sweetie, you simply have to prepare for the fact that your dad can pass at any second and the only thing you can do is call 911."  And in all honesty, I do not expect his dad to live much longer at all.

How much grief and loss can one person bare?  Yes, Tom's Wife, I know I'm still recovering from my own surgery which not even 3 weeks ago.  I noticed yesterday how painful my right breast has become.  I am trying to take breaks, sit and rest, watch a little TV, as I can.  The good thing is that when I get to sleep, I am sleeping well.  But I am having trouble getting to sleep. My brain simply won't turn off.

I am so worried about my hubby.  Can he survive this?  Will he be the next to go?  I know I need to get back to where his is as quickly as I can.  But I know I need to be here to support my siblings.  I told one of my sisters today that I'm just not functioning right.  She knows how stressful this has been for me.  She came over and we just sat and talked all afternoon.  It was great.

I've now seen both of my parents die at home.  Dad took 6 weeks, mom took 8 weeks.  My husband's mother walked around the side of the bed and had a massive heart attack and was gone in a minute.  I can certainly say that while the latter is a huge shock to the survivors, I would much prefer to go that way.

Life is certainly hard.  It just seems this year we have had so much happen.  Hubby lost his job, retired, we moved, we had my cancer scare, his mom died and now mine.  We have to be at 100% for something going wrong with us physically.  I am trying to stay calm so I can stay healthy.

Tonight, I'm just numb.

DW

My mom

We got the Call Tuesday night that my mom was failing fast.  I needed to come hme.  Hubby would not let me drive alone.  Because of the time, distances from airports, I knew I could drive faster than flying.  We drove all night and were at moms by 9'am yesterday.  We have said our goodbyes to her and now we wait.

I think he needed to come tell her goodbye as he didn't get the chance to tell his own mom.  He seems more at peace.  Today, his son will meet me 2 hours away and take his dad on to the airport where hubby will fly back for his moms funeral.

I am staying home until my own mom passes which we think might be rather soon now.  She has ceased taking in any water or food.  Simply comes back up.  She wants to have you hold her hand.  I will be doing that as much as I can starting this afternoon.

Hubby does not want to leave.  He wants me by his side all the time.  I understand that.  But what else can you do when you are in a situation like this?  When mom dies, I will need to stay here a few more days, then drive or fly back to start packing up his dad.

Hubby's diabetes and the non stop roller coaster ride have prepared me for this.  Just one second at a time, one incident at a time, one step in front of the other.  Breathe in, breathe out.  Life is good.

DW

His mom

Frifay 4:30 pm.  Had just handed her hubby a diet coke and was walking around to her side of their bed.  They always take afternoon naps while watching tv in their room.  She had a massive heart attack and fell to the floor.  The paramedics arrived and revived her.  Got her to the hospital and had to revive her again, and then she died.

His brother called us at 6:30 pm as he was coming in with fresh grilled hamburgers.

I threw them and everything else in the freezer and in 45 minutes we were packed up, puppies packed, and on the road.  12 hours later we are here at his parents hme.  Picked his brother up at the local airport.

His dad is a diabetic, but his brother is not.  None of them are grieving....they are all in shock.  All day yesterday, they watched football and joked.  It was as if mom had gone to get her hair done and would be right back.  It,was so interesting to sit here and watch them


Knowing my moms condition, I expected to,get the call that she had passed.  We were totally unprepared for this and my hubby is so very very close to his mom.  He finally commentEd last night that he thought he must be a horrible person as he is not sad that she died.  I explained the grief process and told him he was still in the shock and denial phase.  But I also assured him that he should be so grateful that she went fast and did not suffer as my mom is doing.  He agreed.

I'm certain his entire body is out of whack with adrenaline running sky high, not sleeping properly, eating in the middle of the night...but now is not the time to worry about that.  I'm concerned that his heart will not sustain such grief when it does set in.  I'm even more concerned about the coming depression when he finally realizes mom is not coming back from her hair appointment.  I fear it will be significant.

I have written about her in the past.  In summary, she got shingles which went to trigeminal neuralgia in her eye.  She had gone blind in that eye with continuing severe pain.  Was looking to have the eye removed and the nerve cut.  She had suffered much in the last 3 years.  Form that standpoint, this is a blessing.  But that's something he will never understand.  Hie would choose to have her here, suffering as she was, than have her gone.  Something I understand...but I don't.

She took care of his dads diabetes.  Set his meds out for him daily.  We all agree that he cannot live alone.  He is 80 with heart, kidney problems and severe skin cancer.  Many decisions have to be made in the next couple of days.  Life changing choices.  We live 1100 miles from hubby's brother.  Dad could move into the little retirement center where my mom was.  Or hue can move to the other sons 5 bedroom home and be with him, his wife and 20 year old daughter.  But what if he refuses to leave here?  And the house has to be cleaned, things sold, moved...much work to be done and it rests on his 2 sons to do this.

As I look around here, it is hard to fathom she is gone.  Everything is just as it was when she was walking around the side of the bed on Friday.  And the realization that could happen to any of us.  I need to get up and clean my house every morning.  And no wonder mom said to put on clean underwear every morning!  What if it is my sister wh has the next heart attack and drops?  What will we do with mom?   Mom could live as she is anotherm10 years.  I Ned to do more to help my sister provide care for her, but how do I do that with a diabetic husband that exists me most days?  And when does life become too much and you have t say no?

All great questions.

No answers today.

I do not know how long we are staying.  I may fly hme this week.  I may drive home and he stay and fly later.  Mostly we just need to get through the next couple of days, make decisions, and g from there.    Amazing how much life changes with a single telephone call.

DW.

Surgery

Successful

Painful

Surgeon said it does not look cancerous

Pathology in a week

Interesting...problems breathing without oxygen in recovery

Took  4 hours to breathe on my own

Finally, success, release, 3 hr drive gone

48 hrs later it feels like the semi hit me head on!

Will be as good as new in a couple more days.

Glad it's over and the mass is out

Memory problems

We have a PO box that has a different zip code from our street address.  He was quoting the PO box and gave the street zip.  I reminded him there was a difference and he said, " no, they are the same"

When I repeated each zip code to him, he claimed he did not know they were different.

When we moved in, I gave him both addresses in writing.

Fortunately it's a small enough town that things get delivered.

Until yesterday when he learned that the gas company has not been delivering any bills to us.

Vision problems?

I forgot to tell write about a conversation hubby and I had yesterday.  We were sitting under the pergola. We were talking about what needed to be done first in the back yard.  I said I thought we should re-do the pergola.  He said, why?  It's just fine the way it is.  I said that the boards were crooked, the top was coming apart.

He got mad.  He said that the board on the south top end was perfectly straight.  

I said,  I'm sitting right here looking at it.  The outside board is straight, but the inside board is warped.  

He said, What are you talking about?  There is only one board.

I got up and pointed to the outside board and said, What is this then?

He said, "I don't know."

Then I pointed to the center top insert boards and showed him the 1 1/2" to 2" gap.  He said, "they just put them in wrong".

I said, "the long boards are so warped, the short ones are pulling apart"

At that point he just got pissed off and said, "do whatever you want, you will anyway"

Can he not see how the boards are warped?  He thinks there is one board on the south top end and there are 2.  He cannot see that the inside board is totally warped?  Has his vision changed that much?  Can he not see the 1 1/2" gap between the shorter boards and the long boards?

He has been having me do more and more of the driving.  I asked him to drive on an errand today - 8 miles one way - and he said, "no, you can drive" so I did.

If he can't see, why doesn't he just say so?

I'm tired of guessing.

DW