plug in an extension cord on one side of the garage and run it to the other. Literally! He waited until I got home from the store, then started yellng at me because I had moved something in the garage. The GFI popped 3 times and he had to go to the basement each time to reset it. I asked him why he didn't run an extension cord from another outlet and he just started screaming at me. I said, "you don't need to get mad and yell!" to which he replied that I was yelling at him....and I hadn't even raised my voice - just asked a question.
So as he stormed into the house and slammed the door, I said, "oh, go eat some sugar!" LOL! No, I don't think he heard me. But I'm sure he's in a low. Just a quick post as I'm out the door to go run some more errands. I am NOT going to sit in this house with him in this mood. I don't need it and I don't deserve it.
Guess I should also note that the incision in his ankle where they took the vein out has now turned into a venous ulcer. I had been telling him that he needed to go to the doctor and he refused. Finally this week, when it started oozing, he made an appointment. They put an unna boot on it - for 2 weeks. If it doesn't improve, then he has to go to the wound care center. You know, he doesn't even consider stuff like what might happen if the infection goes to his bone. He just ignores it until he can't. So I'm sure he's upset about that as well. He is supposed to elevate his leg 4 times a day for 30 minutes each....and if he had been doing this since surgery....well, ok....
I'm off to run errands and simply escape from his wrath for a little bit today!
DW
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Monday, August 09, 2010
the job hunt
I think I need to go back to work. Not for the money. But to get out of the house every single day. To get away from his constant depression. To associate with something outside of the realm of diabetes.
Sad.
But I have decided this is what I need to do.
So I applied for my first job today.
My goal is to apply for one job a day, 5 days a week.
Do I care what I do?
Not really.
As long as it is "doing" something!
He is very non-communicative again today.
I want to go back to vacationland and escape this!
Maybe I will start sleeping days and be awake all night.
Just so we don't run into each other! LOL!
Broke a tooth off last week and have to go to the dentist next.
Hope all the DWs out there have a peaceful day!
Sad.
But I have decided this is what I need to do.
So I applied for my first job today.
My goal is to apply for one job a day, 5 days a week.
Do I care what I do?
Not really.
As long as it is "doing" something!
He is very non-communicative again today.
I want to go back to vacationland and escape this!
Maybe I will start sleeping days and be awake all night.
Just so we don't run into each other! LOL!
Broke a tooth off last week and have to go to the dentist next.
Hope all the DWs out there have a peaceful day!
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Did it work?
Yes and no! The pain on one side of his back/hip is better. The pain on the other side is much worse. After 3 weeks - it just doesn't seem to have helped him that much. I had a mini weekend getaway with another artist pal and came home to an utter bear of a guy. Ugh! I mean every little word is a pain to him. He's completely and totally intolerable. I'm just positive he ate whatever he wanted while I was gone and now it's back to veggi burgers, no potato chips, no chocolate....and he's just plain mad at me!
He said my brother was here and they went out to eat and a local sports bar where they serve nothing but deep fried comfort food! Just what both guys needed. ha ha!
But you know what, there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him. He is in miserable pain because he STILL refuses to take care of himself.
He had the TV on this evening so loud it was shaking the house. I asked him to turn it down just a notch. You can't begin to imagine how angry he got with me. He finally put on his headsets. Now, I assume this means he is going deaf and will just yell at me even more because he can't hear what I'm saying.
I did have a wonderful weekend away and am so appreciative of my friends who keep me sane!
DW
He said my brother was here and they went out to eat and a local sports bar where they serve nothing but deep fried comfort food! Just what both guys needed. ha ha!
But you know what, there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him. He is in miserable pain because he STILL refuses to take care of himself.
He had the TV on this evening so loud it was shaking the house. I asked him to turn it down just a notch. You can't begin to imagine how angry he got with me. He finally put on his headsets. Now, I assume this means he is going deaf and will just yell at me even more because he can't hear what I'm saying.
I did have a wonderful weekend away and am so appreciative of my friends who keep me sane!
DW
Thursday, July 15, 2010
FINALLY!!!
This afternoon, he gets his first cortisone injection in his back! Took them long enough, huh? But we are both excited and hoping that he has a peaceful weekend. I'm just not sure I'll know what to do with a guy that's not in pain! LOL!
His heart seems to be working just great. Diabetes is as under control as it has ever been. Glucose is still too high. He's back to eating whatever he wants - out of control, so I'm going to try to reign that in this weekend with a round of grilled seafood and healthy cooking. Now, if I can just get him to cooperate!
Will try to post the results of the injection as soon as we know. Just praying that he at least gets 24 hours of relief. A couple months would be wonderful!
DW
His heart seems to be working just great. Diabetes is as under control as it has ever been. Glucose is still too high. He's back to eating whatever he wants - out of control, so I'm going to try to reign that in this weekend with a round of grilled seafood and healthy cooking. Now, if I can just get him to cooperate!
Will try to post the results of the injection as soon as we know. Just praying that he at least gets 24 hours of relief. A couple months would be wonderful!
DW
Friday, June 25, 2010
Pain
How much pain can one person take? Poor hubby. I worry about him day and night. He simply can't do the physical therapy they want him to do for his back. He is in somuch pain that he vomits. How sad is that?
And yes, that much pain has an impact on his glucose levels. Even with as many lows as he had after his heart surgery, his A1c is still at 6.9. Sigh. That means that for all those lows....it's going really high at other times. Sigh.
But pain management is the number one priority at the moment. He is not functioning at all. Sleeping way too much. Probably not eating enough. Not eating in a timely manner. Not sleeping because of the pain.
I want to cry for him, but I know it won't do any good. His daughter was here for father's day last weekend, and he really couldn't enjoy her company because he was in so much pain.
When will it end? Well, we are hoping they will try cortisone injections about mid July. But that's almost another month of waiting. Of intense pain. Of being sick to the stomach.
I can tell that the pain is wearing him thin. He doesn't have any humor left. He has no patience. He is getting more and more depressed.
How much pain can he take? I simply hope he can last another month.
DW
And yes, that much pain has an impact on his glucose levels. Even with as many lows as he had after his heart surgery, his A1c is still at 6.9. Sigh. That means that for all those lows....it's going really high at other times. Sigh.
But pain management is the number one priority at the moment. He is not functioning at all. Sleeping way too much. Probably not eating enough. Not eating in a timely manner. Not sleeping because of the pain.
I want to cry for him, but I know it won't do any good. His daughter was here for father's day last weekend, and he really couldn't enjoy her company because he was in so much pain.
When will it end? Well, we are hoping they will try cortisone injections about mid July. But that's almost another month of waiting. Of intense pain. Of being sick to the stomach.
I can tell that the pain is wearing him thin. He doesn't have any humor left. He has no patience. He is getting more and more depressed.
How much pain can he take? I simply hope he can last another month.
DW
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Maintaining
Lab results came back the same, so that is good. While labs aren't "good" by normal standards, it is good that they haven't changed/gotten worse. He is attempting to do the physical therapy for his back, but the exercises are so painful, he gets nauseated. Then he doesn't eat. Then his glucose drops. I'm not sure it's worth doing them over. He contacted the neurosurgeon's office and they told him to keep doing them, regardless of the pain. So rather than every day, was do them together, then wait 2 days and do them again. Takes that long for the pain to subside.
So, with all this pain, he is getting rather depressed and cranky. He's less and less interested in doing anything. Wants to eat what he wants. And I feel so sorry for him because I know if I were in so much pain I got sick to my stomach - I'd give up on everything else.
But beyond that, we are maintaining. It seems like we are growing closer to each other through all this. He seems to (for the first time) be caring about what my emotions and needs are. I think we both have agreed that we don't know what to do about his back and the pain.
His daughter came down for Father's Day weekend and he is enjoying her company. Good diversion for him.
DW
So, with all this pain, he is getting rather depressed and cranky. He's less and less interested in doing anything. Wants to eat what he wants. And I feel so sorry for him because I know if I were in so much pain I got sick to my stomach - I'd give up on everything else.
But beyond that, we are maintaining. It seems like we are growing closer to each other through all this. He seems to (for the first time) be caring about what my emotions and needs are. I think we both have agreed that we don't know what to do about his back and the pain.
His daughter came down for Father's Day weekend and he is enjoying her company. Good diversion for him.
DW
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Is life good, or am I just numb?
LOL! I think I'm just numb. But I do get tired of posting the same thing over and over. His heart is mending. He is not exercising. He's quit testing his sugar 8 times a day. He's back to eating the same old crap.
And I'm back to being numb about it all. I just don't care. Surgery drained me. I need more time to recover. My therapy - gardening. I hate it....but it's something to occupy my time and since it's summer - it's good. Plus, it gets me out of the house 3 hours a day and away from all this.
Just tired of it
He has done the PT for his back 1 time in the last 2 weeks and says it causes him too much pain to do it. But he won't call the doctor and tell him that the PT is increasing his back pain.
Yet as long as he doesn't yell at me over stupid stuff, as long as I don't see the result of sugar lows....I'm good. I can live like this I know, I know - he could drop dead any second...but then we all can. I wish he would change. I pray every day that he will change. But he hasn't and he won't. Not even a triple bypass with a TMR woke this guy up for good....just for a few weeks.
Life goes on and overall, it's all good at the moment.
DW
And I'm back to being numb about it all. I just don't care. Surgery drained me. I need more time to recover. My therapy - gardening. I hate it....but it's something to occupy my time and since it's summer - it's good. Plus, it gets me out of the house 3 hours a day and away from all this.
Just tired of it
He has done the PT for his back 1 time in the last 2 weeks and says it causes him too much pain to do it. But he won't call the doctor and tell him that the PT is increasing his back pain.
Yet as long as he doesn't yell at me over stupid stuff, as long as I don't see the result of sugar lows....I'm good. I can live like this I know, I know - he could drop dead any second...but then we all can. I wish he would change. I pray every day that he will change. But he hasn't and he won't. Not even a triple bypass with a TMR woke this guy up for good....just for a few weeks.
Life goes on and overall, it's all good at the moment.
DW
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Baby steps
Lynn wrote:
I know what you are saying....but in all of that, I got "car accidentin April" and immediately wondered if you hubby was behind the wheel? I rarely let mine drive if I'm in the car. Anyone who has sugar lows as often as he does has no business driving. Judgment is clouded during a hypo. Decisions/reactions are not as quick as they should be. Mental confusion prevails. And since you just don't know when a low is going to hit and he can't seem to forecast them these days, it scares the crap out of me to let him even think about driving.
Interestingly enough, I think he is a little afraid himself. He doesn't seem to have much of a problem with me doing all the driving. Now, part of that could be due to his back pain, but I just think he's more comfortable with me driving.
PT on his back starts Tuesday. We've had a hectic couple of weeks and today we are getting back on our serious nutrition plan. Yes, I know, if we stopped eating chocolate, we could drop that 50 pounds. So here's what is proving to be successful for us. Together, we are down 50 pounds right now. And maintaining. We simply count sodium. Under 2000 mg per day. It is nearly impossible to do. You can't eat out and keep that goal. You can't eat any processed foods. It's mostly fresh fruit and veggies. And it's amazing how good I feel - just keeping my sodium at that level. Granted, we go over a lot. And we do keep an eye on calories, carbs, fat, sugar, etc. But if you keep the sodium down, everything else will stay down.
As hubby says, it doesn't matter how bad we are right now....it's still so much better than before his surgery. I've lost 20 pounds and would like to take another 20 off. But I will confess, it is really hard to keep that sodium under 2000 mg per day! Extremely bland diet.
And, we have kicked up the exercise. Age is working hard against us, as is arthritis. But again, it doesn't matter how "bad" we are at exercise - we are still way ahead of where we were!
I keep thinking baby steps. We just do a little every day- it's more than what we were doing.
DW
This is incredible...I MUST be Hellen Keller because I even took a swig of what I thought was a can of soda but it was a spit bottle and almost threw up so I tolerate a lot...but then again, I do get the addiction thingie as well, since I am a sugar addict when I get started...can pound a half bag of Tootsie Rolls and have, a pound of chocolate a day, and have...but when I grew a stone the size of a mini football in my kidney and had to have it lithotripsied it was my wake up call...I don't know...hubby and I joke about "don't judge me" and I hope he quits again, but he took it up after we had a car accident in April and he suffered a subdural hematoma and has been chewing again since. When I shared the info. I expected him to quit right then, but he was already off the Diet soda and trying to make other dietary changes/habits so he said, I will when I am ready...but I do get it because I would drop the 50 pounds I need to drop already if I really worked at it...oh, frustrating as hell because YES, love is blind. But I would rather have the love than not.
Speaking of love...I LOVE that I have met you and the other wife of a diabetic 2. HUGS
I know what you are saying....but in all of that, I got "car accidentin April" and immediately wondered if you hubby was behind the wheel? I rarely let mine drive if I'm in the car. Anyone who has sugar lows as often as he does has no business driving. Judgment is clouded during a hypo. Decisions/reactions are not as quick as they should be. Mental confusion prevails. And since you just don't know when a low is going to hit and he can't seem to forecast them these days, it scares the crap out of me to let him even think about driving.
Interestingly enough, I think he is a little afraid himself. He doesn't seem to have much of a problem with me doing all the driving. Now, part of that could be due to his back pain, but I just think he's more comfortable with me driving.
PT on his back starts Tuesday. We've had a hectic couple of weeks and today we are getting back on our serious nutrition plan. Yes, I know, if we stopped eating chocolate, we could drop that 50 pounds. So here's what is proving to be successful for us. Together, we are down 50 pounds right now. And maintaining. We simply count sodium. Under 2000 mg per day. It is nearly impossible to do. You can't eat out and keep that goal. You can't eat any processed foods. It's mostly fresh fruit and veggies. And it's amazing how good I feel - just keeping my sodium at that level. Granted, we go over a lot. And we do keep an eye on calories, carbs, fat, sugar, etc. But if you keep the sodium down, everything else will stay down.
As hubby says, it doesn't matter how bad we are right now....it's still so much better than before his surgery. I've lost 20 pounds and would like to take another 20 off. But I will confess, it is really hard to keep that sodium under 2000 mg per day! Extremely bland diet.
And, we have kicked up the exercise. Age is working hard against us, as is arthritis. But again, it doesn't matter how "bad" we are at exercise - we are still way ahead of where we were!
I keep thinking baby steps. We just do a little every day- it's more than what we were doing.
DW
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Smoking with diabetes
Lynn wrote:
Which got me to thinking. Hubby always so proudly tells his doctors that he has never smoked. Never picked up a cigarette in his life. I just cringe when he says that. I just think he is so incredibly stupid....and so are his doctors.
I have come to learn that you have to ask very specific questions, very detailed questions - you have to think like his brain and ok - that's impossible to do!
When you ask him if he has ever smoked, he assumes you mean cigarettes. And he always answers "I have never smoked a cigarette in my life".
But what they do not ask him is, "have you ever smoked a joint? Have you ever smoked marijuana? Have you ever eaten marijuana in a brownie or other food?"
I just wonder if he would tell the truth then.
He thinks marijuana is medicinal. Now, quite honestly, he hasn't smoked any in about the last 9 months. But before that, every weekend, and before that....all the time, whenever he had any pain at all.
I know the impact it has on his diabetes. He denies it all.
How can the doctors possibly help him when he refuses to be honest with them? You would think slashing him open, ripping his ribcage apart, hooking him up to a heart/lung machine.....that he would get the hint?
Not this guy! He still answers the question that he has never smoked in his life.
And ya wonder why I get stressed? LOLOL!
As for chewing - I would leave him for certain! Dated a guy about 35 years ago who would spit the chew in the back yard and I stepped in it once - barefoot! That ended that relationship! Funny how when I was so young, I wouldn't put up with anything like that.....and now I tolerate so much. It really is true that love is blind.
DW
I googled "living with a diabetic" and ultimately I came to your blog. I am so glad I did. I too have lived with my hubby for 38 years, and much of it has been since he was diagnosed as being diabetic and I didn't realize how much of a stress it has put on me being married to his condition. I am looking for support and think I have found it here...We love them, we are trying to help them, but we are human and need another person with our situation to vent, share, and understand with.
Thank you for this blog. HUGS
and then another comment:
Hubby chews tobacco and until the other day I didn't realize that nicotine messes with insulin...I googled the information and sat down with him to share it...he is hooked, has been for years, has quit a few times but goes back to it...has always been asked if he smokes and he truthfully says he does not but I didn't realize it wasn't the act of smoking they were getting at but the nicotine...I have been nagging and he seems to take it okay, but he keeps pointing out that he will quit again when he is ready to...frustrating as hell to see him dip into the can of chew when now I know it isn't helping him at all...denial is a #@$#!@$#~
Thanks for letting me vent. It helps.
Which got me to thinking. Hubby always so proudly tells his doctors that he has never smoked. Never picked up a cigarette in his life. I just cringe when he says that. I just think he is so incredibly stupid....and so are his doctors.
I have come to learn that you have to ask very specific questions, very detailed questions - you have to think like his brain and ok - that's impossible to do!
When you ask him if he has ever smoked, he assumes you mean cigarettes. And he always answers "I have never smoked a cigarette in my life".
But what they do not ask him is, "have you ever smoked a joint? Have you ever smoked marijuana? Have you ever eaten marijuana in a brownie or other food?"
I just wonder if he would tell the truth then.
He thinks marijuana is medicinal. Now, quite honestly, he hasn't smoked any in about the last 9 months. But before that, every weekend, and before that....all the time, whenever he had any pain at all.
I know the impact it has on his diabetes. He denies it all.
How can the doctors possibly help him when he refuses to be honest with them? You would think slashing him open, ripping his ribcage apart, hooking him up to a heart/lung machine.....that he would get the hint?
Not this guy! He still answers the question that he has never smoked in his life.
And ya wonder why I get stressed? LOLOL!
As for chewing - I would leave him for certain! Dated a guy about 35 years ago who would spit the chew in the back yard and I stepped in it once - barefoot! That ended that relationship! Funny how when I was so young, I wouldn't put up with anything like that.....and now I tolerate so much. It really is true that love is blind.
DW
Thursday, May 27, 2010
and the journey continues
He will start physical therapy on his back in 2 weeks. Well, that's the consult visit with that department. He meets with them and they tell him what's next. He was pretty upset last night talking about it. Said he had spend $300 on co-pays for PT for his heart just to go walk on a treadmill and ride a bike. And I said, "but you aren't doing it now....and you did it there."
I'm not sure he got my point. He has not walked in the week and a half since cardiac PT released him. Do I treat him like a child and remind him every day that he needs to go walk? When I do mention it, he says, "I know" and that's it. I can't physically make him do it. It's just so frustrating to stand by and watch him slowy revert back to his old ways. I think I was a little over-optimistic that he would figure this out and change. Now, I'm not so sure.
And he refused to test himself last night, but I'm sure he had a low. We hav a basket to put fish in on the grill and he couldn't get it to open. I didn't think much of that, but then he couldn't get a sealed package of fish to open using a pair of scissors. I knew he was low when that happened. He started yelling at me and I simply left the room.
I can't help him. I can't save him. Just so sad.
DW
I'm not sure he got my point. He has not walked in the week and a half since cardiac PT released him. Do I treat him like a child and remind him every day that he needs to go walk? When I do mention it, he says, "I know" and that's it. I can't physically make him do it. It's just so frustrating to stand by and watch him slowy revert back to his old ways. I think I was a little over-optimistic that he would figure this out and change. Now, I'm not so sure.
And he refused to test himself last night, but I'm sure he had a low. We hav a basket to put fish in on the grill and he couldn't get it to open. I didn't think much of that, but then he couldn't get a sealed package of fish to open using a pair of scissors. I knew he was low when that happened. He started yelling at me and I simply left the room.
I can't help him. I can't save him. Just so sad.
DW
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Getting my life back
Today, I taught an art class. We made dichroic glass pendants. One of my favorite things to do. It's the first class I've been able to schedule/teach this year. And it feels wonderful!
Hubby celebrated by going to a local bakery and buying a chocolate carmel cake for the students. Of course, they loved him to pieces! And he didn't eat any at all. So I thought that was huge progess. He can have sweets in the house, and won't eat them. Yeah for him!!!
While his back is still causing him incredible pain, we are both trying hard to get back into the routine of life. Yet that routine has been altered. Daily walks, eating healthy, treadmill and recumbant bike, exercises, healthy snacks. I think we are past fighting it all and have accepted it as a way of life. He is still testing numerous times a day, taking his insulin on a very strict schedule, eating snacks when he starts to go low....and it has made a huge difference in everything else in life.
And while we both know that this could end any time because his kidney function is so low and dialysis is looming just around the corner, I think both of us are enjoying this phase.
Art is a release for me. A place that I can escape to, play, have fun, create something, share what I know with someone else, teach them how to do something that they love. I have really missed it this year and am so happy to be back. It's been a really great day.
May you each have a great day. We all need them every once in awhile - just to remind us what life is really like!
DW
Hubby celebrated by going to a local bakery and buying a chocolate carmel cake for the students. Of course, they loved him to pieces! And he didn't eat any at all. So I thought that was huge progess. He can have sweets in the house, and won't eat them. Yeah for him!!!
While his back is still causing him incredible pain, we are both trying hard to get back into the routine of life. Yet that routine has been altered. Daily walks, eating healthy, treadmill and recumbant bike, exercises, healthy snacks. I think we are past fighting it all and have accepted it as a way of life. He is still testing numerous times a day, taking his insulin on a very strict schedule, eating snacks when he starts to go low....and it has made a huge difference in everything else in life.
And while we both know that this could end any time because his kidney function is so low and dialysis is looming just around the corner, I think both of us are enjoying this phase.
Art is a release for me. A place that I can escape to, play, have fun, create something, share what I know with someone else, teach them how to do something that they love. I have really missed it this year and am so happy to be back. It's been a really great day.
May you each have a great day. We all need them every once in awhile - just to remind us what life is really like!
DW
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Catching up
I know - been awhile! So, post cardiac physical therapy is completed and he has a call in to neurology so he can start PT for his back. While I feel pretty certain that his heart is back in gear, it's really hard to tell because of the back pain. He is walking every other day, and really trying hard to eat right. But the pain overwhelms him most days. He's so grumpy. And yes, I know, if I were in that much pain, I'd be just a completly miserable person all the time - just like he is. But I think he tends to forget that I'm here. That I have needs. That this is a partnership. Not just a one-sided story.
But then, because of his pain, how can he even consider me?
So I try to understand, be patient, carve out a life of my own. It's sad. It's hard. It's lonely.
He is sill under a weight lifting restriction and it is taking it's toll on me. But I am resting when I need to, sitting on the heating pad, eating healthy and doing all the things I need to do to take care of me.
Mostly, I wake up, and take each day just one step at a time. I don't think much about the future or the past. I just try to do what needs to be done to get through today. And I make lists. That eventually get thrown away because I realize they will never get done, and that's ok.
Finding pleasure in little things has become important. But I feel like I'm old before my time. There is so much we have changed this year and so much we still continue to change. So much activity that we have had to give up. And I sit here and know that the only reason we give it up is because of his health. Sort of sad the things you do in the name of love.
Trying to find joy in the things you can still do is often times quite hard. Especially when that list has dwindled down to so few things. Limitations - not a word I have ever accepted. But when he says "no" - then it's either go it alone, or give it up. And some things are just no fun when done alone!
Aside from that, life is ok. He is here. He is functioning. We went out the other night and a man wheeled his wife in. She was younger than me and had had an obvious stroke. Was paralized for the most part. He sat there and fed her and talked to her and laughed with her. It was interesting to watch them. Made me so grateful that hubby is where he is.
That's the lesson in life I'm learning over and over every single day. That there is always someone else much worse off than we are and we just need to be grateful for what we have left - even if it isn't what we had yesterday.
DW
But then, because of his pain, how can he even consider me?
So I try to understand, be patient, carve out a life of my own. It's sad. It's hard. It's lonely.
He is sill under a weight lifting restriction and it is taking it's toll on me. But I am resting when I need to, sitting on the heating pad, eating healthy and doing all the things I need to do to take care of me.
Mostly, I wake up, and take each day just one step at a time. I don't think much about the future or the past. I just try to do what needs to be done to get through today. And I make lists. That eventually get thrown away because I realize they will never get done, and that's ok.
Finding pleasure in little things has become important. But I feel like I'm old before my time. There is so much we have changed this year and so much we still continue to change. So much activity that we have had to give up. And I sit here and know that the only reason we give it up is because of his health. Sort of sad the things you do in the name of love.
Trying to find joy in the things you can still do is often times quite hard. Especially when that list has dwindled down to so few things. Limitations - not a word I have ever accepted. But when he says "no" - then it's either go it alone, or give it up. And some things are just no fun when done alone!
Aside from that, life is ok. He is here. He is functioning. We went out the other night and a man wheeled his wife in. She was younger than me and had had an obvious stroke. Was paralized for the most part. He sat there and fed her and talked to her and laughed with her. It was interesting to watch them. Made me so grateful that hubby is where he is.
That's the lesson in life I'm learning over and over every single day. That there is always someone else much worse off than we are and we just need to be grateful for what we have left - even if it isn't what we had yesterday.
DW
Friday, May 07, 2010
Cardiologists visit
So, 8 weeks post op and in to see the cardiologist today. She is pleased. In 4 more weeks, he can do anything - meaning that we start the process of getting his back fixed.
She agreed that she is going to see him in 6 months, then once every year. I loved her for that! She said sometimes they release you for 5 years, but because he has diabetes - once a year.
She still thinks that he has had a heart attack at some time in the past. At the bottom of his heart - a place that doesn't show up on an echocardiogram. I think I agree based on the fact that the surgeon said there was no blood flowing to that part of the heart and very few healthy veins down there.
I feel like thisis my alert, my wake up call - that while he is better, he is not out of the woods and will never be out of the woods. Amazing how intricate the heart is. Even more amazing is what they can do these days to help it work longer.
DW
She agreed that she is going to see him in 6 months, then once every year. I loved her for that! She said sometimes they release you for 5 years, but because he has diabetes - once a year.
She still thinks that he has had a heart attack at some time in the past. At the bottom of his heart - a place that doesn't show up on an echocardiogram. I think I agree based on the fact that the surgeon said there was no blood flowing to that part of the heart and very few healthy veins down there.
I feel like thisis my alert, my wake up call - that while he is better, he is not out of the woods and will never be out of the woods. Amazing how intricate the heart is. Even more amazing is what they can do these days to help it work longer.
DW
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Physical Therapy post vacation
We had a pretty good trip after getting off to a rugged start. His meds arrived the next day. He walked every morning. Did pretty good with eating the right foods. Did some exercises with hand weights. Tested and kept is sugars pretty even. No lows as he was able to divert them each time. Our host were so gracious and grilled fish of some type most nights. When we ate out, he had salads most meals. So it was a great trip. We even got some rest in.
Came home and he started back iin physical therapy yesterday I don't know if it's because he switched back to a treadmill rather than walking on the ground, or if it was being away from the recumbant bike for a week, but he did something to his back. He could hardly move last night. The pain was so intense I really thought he was going to cry and he has a very very high threshold for pain as it is. He was taking narcotics and they didn't even phase him.
Today has been a little better. So hopefully whatever happened will start to heal.
When he's in that much pain - I want to cry myself. It just brings life to a screeching halt. No one gets any sleep. He was up til 1 am, up at 3, at 4, and at 6 am. So we are both exhausted today, of course.
Other than that, everything seems to be good. Almost too good. We have a f/u visit with the cardiologist tomorrow and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's a good visit as well,
DW
Came home and he started back iin physical therapy yesterday I don't know if it's because he switched back to a treadmill rather than walking on the ground, or if it was being away from the recumbant bike for a week, but he did something to his back. He could hardly move last night. The pain was so intense I really thought he was going to cry and he has a very very high threshold for pain as it is. He was taking narcotics and they didn't even phase him.
Today has been a little better. So hopefully whatever happened will start to heal.
When he's in that much pain - I want to cry myself. It just brings life to a screeching halt. No one gets any sleep. He was up til 1 am, up at 3, at 4, and at 6 am. So we are both exhausted today, of course.
Other than that, everything seems to be good. Almost too good. We have a f/u visit with the cardiologist tomorrow and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's a good visit as well,
DW
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Vacation
We got to the airport and he said, "I left all my pills on the nightstand".
What do you do??? I called my friend and she went and got them and shipped them to us overnight, 8 am delivery. Thank goodness for good friends! First night out was a mess without his meds. He did have his insulin....but nothing else.
I asked him 5 times if he had everything. Every time the answer was yes. I truly just wanted to pull my hair out.
But I am getting some rest and he is doing pretty good finally. Traveling with diabetes at his stage is certainly a challenge - adjust for 2 time zone changes, time of meals, etc. He did get up this morning and walk a mile. Pretty amazing. And tonight, he had grilled salmon and a salad. Not bad. Last night he had fried chicken - not so good.
Hopefully the rest of the week will go well.
DW
What do you do??? I called my friend and she went and got them and shipped them to us overnight, 8 am delivery. Thank goodness for good friends! First night out was a mess without his meds. He did have his insulin....but nothing else.
I asked him 5 times if he had everything. Every time the answer was yes. I truly just wanted to pull my hair out.
But I am getting some rest and he is doing pretty good finally. Traveling with diabetes at his stage is certainly a challenge - adjust for 2 time zone changes, time of meals, etc. He did get up this morning and walk a mile. Pretty amazing. And tonight, he had grilled salmon and a salad. Not bad. Last night he had fried chicken - not so good.
Hopefully the rest of the week will go well.
DW
Saturday, April 17, 2010
and a good day today
Finally! A good day! Hubby went to an electronics show and I went shopping. Then we went to a movie and out to dinner - had a salad.
At lunch, he packed everything he needed. At the movie, he took everything. What a change from Wednesday.
He dropped the humulin by 1cc in the am and pm. The lowest he has gone was 80. But he is staying high too much. Not sure what the resolution to that one is. I know being high is not good. But I truly hate the lows.
Today was great. If every day could just be like today......
DW
At lunch, he packed everything he needed. At the movie, he took everything. What a change from Wednesday.
He dropped the humulin by 1cc in the am and pm. The lowest he has gone was 80. But he is staying high too much. Not sure what the resolution to that one is. I know being high is not good. But I truly hate the lows.
Today was great. If every day could just be like today......
DW
Thursday, April 15, 2010
help
Help me find my sanity! I'm going to post what happened - then tell me how I can ever find my sanity!!!
Yesterday. I knew it was going to be a busy day. I probably should have done a better job preparing for the day. But by gum...this is HIS disease!!! And he needs to own up to it - if I do everything for him, then he just blames me when it goes wrong.
I knew we had an education class at cardiac therapy at 1:30 pm. I was going to leave a little early and get over to the medical clinics to have a minor laser procedure done to my eyes. He had cardiac physical therapy from 2:45 - 3:45 pm. And his first grandson was supposed to be delivered at 10 am. So we thought we could drive and hour down to the hospital, see him, then be back by 1:30 pm. No problem.
So, we wake up and he is up, showered and ready to go at 8 am. He has his bag on his shoulder and says, "I'm ready when you are!" And I said, "aren't you going to call your son to see if his wif is in labor?" (of course used their names instead of the relationships I just wrote). So he sat down and called and of course, she hadn't even started. She was being induced and for some reason, hubby and his son think that meant she would deliver immediately. I said, "Sweetie, I want to tell you something and you can do with this whatever you want" He said, "what?" I said, "when my youngest son was due, they induced me. They told me he would come pretty fast. It took another 23 hours before I delivered him. Each woman is completely different. She might deliver quickly, but it could take a long time."
He said, "I'll call him and tell him we're not coming." I said, "why are you doing that?" He said, "it's obvious you don't want to go". I said, "That's not what I said at all. But what I don't want to do is to drive down there this morning, have nothing happen, and then have to drive back down there tomorrow!:"
And he went into the office and went to work.
So I should have known that was an indicator of the rest of the day. But a pretty good example of how he will take what I say and comletely twist it into something else.
We left shortly after 1 to head over to education. He had his bag. I didn't ask what was in it. Didn't remind him of this or that. I had my laser procedure done. More swelling than they thought. Doctor said I might wake up in the morning with my eyes swolle shut. They were about half open when I got done. Walked back over to where he was having therapy and he told me the baby had been born while we were in the education meeting. (found out later she gave 6 pushes - he came pretty fast once it started.)
So, of course, he wanted to drive down to see the baby after therapy. My gut told me not to go. But he insisted. And I knew if I drove home, he would take the car and drive himself....and he hasn't been released from surgery to drive yet. So we went. I had to lean my head back to see out of the slits in my eyes. I just drove slow. We got there fine. Cute baby. For a baby. His 6 pm alarm went off and I asked him if he brought his insulin No.
He took his glucose and he was at 52! (Did he not sense this at 70? 60?) He did not have any glucose tabs. He ran out (why did he not ask me to stop and get some on the way to education?) He did not even have smarties in his bag with him. We are an hour from home. He says, "Let's go to PFChangs!" I said, "no". But then I'm thinking - he's so low, he can't take the insulin, go ahead, get him wherever he wants to eat - get something in him...and PFC was next to the hospital. So we went.
Horrible choice for his current nutrition plan.
He should have packed glucose tabs, smarties, and apple, a peanut butter cup.
He should have taken his insulin with him.
But he didn't
And when he's down to 52, he's not about to make a healthy choice about where to eat.
And I knew if I didn't take him to PFChangs - he would simply make me misearable the rest of the evening with his pouting, or his depression, or his sullen quietness. We've been through this a million times.
Of course, I have huge bandages slanted over my upper eyes, am looking through slits to see where I'm going - and exactly what I wanted to do - or felt like doing - was eating out. I left my sunglasses on the whole time. Didn't need other people staring at me.
We made it home and I went straight to bed. Over exhausted at this point and totally not caring what his glucose is doing. But when he tested again he was low. We had stopped at the store on the way home and he got some more glucose tabs...but he had left them downstairs. So I got up and got them for him. Told him he HAS to lower his humulin both morning and evening tomorrow. Sigh. Why do I have to tell him? Because he's not going to do it on his own!!!
I lay down on my side to finally go to sleep. I took 2 benadryl as my eyelids were starting to itch. I feel a tear running across my nose. Get up and of course, it's blood, gushing out from where they did the laser. I take the dressings off, apply pressure for 20 minutes. Still bleeding. Apply pressure for another 20 minutes. No bleeding. By now, the benadryl has more than kicked in. I decide to adjust the bed to a reclining position and I manage to sleep most of the night - sitting up. I assume his glucose went back up - I wouldn't have been able to do anything for him and he wasn't able to be of any help to me.
So yes, I should not have had the laser procedure done while he is still recovering from surgery. But I had waited months to get an appointment. And it really doesn't matter when it was done - he could have still had a low.
We shouldn't have gone to see the baby after I had laser surgery - but he would have pouted and sulked....or worse yet, gotten in the car and driven himself.
We shouldn't have eaten out. I should have checked his bag. But why should I be the one to check his bag. Why can't he take everything he might need in the event plans change?
I should have checked his glucose tab supply. But why is that my job?
I should have checked his bag for insulin and everything else, but again, why is that my job?
And why is is that he can't figure out that he needs a mid-afternoon snack to keep his glucose up?
Why can't the endocrinologist see that he is still going low 1-2 times a day? And substantially lower his insulin? Why don't they put him back on the oher insulin? Why feed him carbs? Why not reduce the humulin or get him off it? Nasty stuff I think! Why aren't they monitoring him more closely?
Now I need to go chart what he ate at PFChangs and show him how he was 3x more sodium than he was supposed to have for the day! But I woke up with eyes swollen and even less of a slit to see out of and decided that today, I'm staying in bed. I can see find from a reclining position to just spend the day on my laptop. At 3 pm, I can take these dressings off and start my own post op care. I'm hoping if I remain quiet today, there won't be another bleeding episode tonight.
So, how do you care for a diabetic when you have to give 100% of your time caring for your own recovery?
How do you get a guy who is completely stupid when he goes low to retrain his thinking to tell himself during that low than rather than eating out, he needs to prepare and have healthy snacks in his bag with him at all times?
How do you get the diabetic to purchase their own glucose tabs BEFORE they run out?
How do you get a break from being a caregiver to someone who has diabetes???
And you know, I know there are no real answers....but I have to ask the questions anyway!
It's like the education session yesterday. 1 week after the session by the pharmiscists:
1. Hospital nutrition told him to use the entire line of Mrs. Dash
2. Pharmiscist said he cannot have any Mrs Dash that has potassium
3. Nutrition education said to use Mrs. Dash - did not even know some had potassium in them. Had 3 tubs of butter and asked us to determine which was the best. I pointed out that all 3 had potassium in them. I asked what he ws supposed to use for "butter". Her answer...."well, that is a problem, isn't it?"
No one has an answer.....
DW
Yesterday. I knew it was going to be a busy day. I probably should have done a better job preparing for the day. But by gum...this is HIS disease!!! And he needs to own up to it - if I do everything for him, then he just blames me when it goes wrong.
I knew we had an education class at cardiac therapy at 1:30 pm. I was going to leave a little early and get over to the medical clinics to have a minor laser procedure done to my eyes. He had cardiac physical therapy from 2:45 - 3:45 pm. And his first grandson was supposed to be delivered at 10 am. So we thought we could drive and hour down to the hospital, see him, then be back by 1:30 pm. No problem.
So, we wake up and he is up, showered and ready to go at 8 am. He has his bag on his shoulder and says, "I'm ready when you are!" And I said, "aren't you going to call your son to see if his wif is in labor?" (of course used their names instead of the relationships I just wrote). So he sat down and called and of course, she hadn't even started. She was being induced and for some reason, hubby and his son think that meant she would deliver immediately. I said, "Sweetie, I want to tell you something and you can do with this whatever you want" He said, "what?" I said, "when my youngest son was due, they induced me. They told me he would come pretty fast. It took another 23 hours before I delivered him. Each woman is completely different. She might deliver quickly, but it could take a long time."
He said, "I'll call him and tell him we're not coming." I said, "why are you doing that?" He said, "it's obvious you don't want to go". I said, "That's not what I said at all. But what I don't want to do is to drive down there this morning, have nothing happen, and then have to drive back down there tomorrow!:"
And he went into the office and went to work.
So I should have known that was an indicator of the rest of the day. But a pretty good example of how he will take what I say and comletely twist it into something else.
We left shortly after 1 to head over to education. He had his bag. I didn't ask what was in it. Didn't remind him of this or that. I had my laser procedure done. More swelling than they thought. Doctor said I might wake up in the morning with my eyes swolle shut. They were about half open when I got done. Walked back over to where he was having therapy and he told me the baby had been born while we were in the education meeting. (found out later she gave 6 pushes - he came pretty fast once it started.)
So, of course, he wanted to drive down to see the baby after therapy. My gut told me not to go. But he insisted. And I knew if I drove home, he would take the car and drive himself....and he hasn't been released from surgery to drive yet. So we went. I had to lean my head back to see out of the slits in my eyes. I just drove slow. We got there fine. Cute baby. For a baby. His 6 pm alarm went off and I asked him if he brought his insulin No.
He took his glucose and he was at 52! (Did he not sense this at 70? 60?) He did not have any glucose tabs. He ran out (why did he not ask me to stop and get some on the way to education?) He did not even have smarties in his bag with him. We are an hour from home. He says, "Let's go to PFChangs!" I said, "no". But then I'm thinking - he's so low, he can't take the insulin, go ahead, get him wherever he wants to eat - get something in him...and PFC was next to the hospital. So we went.
Horrible choice for his current nutrition plan.
He should have packed glucose tabs, smarties, and apple, a peanut butter cup.
He should have taken his insulin with him.
But he didn't
And when he's down to 52, he's not about to make a healthy choice about where to eat.
And I knew if I didn't take him to PFChangs - he would simply make me misearable the rest of the evening with his pouting, or his depression, or his sullen quietness. We've been through this a million times.
Of course, I have huge bandages slanted over my upper eyes, am looking through slits to see where I'm going - and exactly what I wanted to do - or felt like doing - was eating out. I left my sunglasses on the whole time. Didn't need other people staring at me.
We made it home and I went straight to bed. Over exhausted at this point and totally not caring what his glucose is doing. But when he tested again he was low. We had stopped at the store on the way home and he got some more glucose tabs...but he had left them downstairs. So I got up and got them for him. Told him he HAS to lower his humulin both morning and evening tomorrow. Sigh. Why do I have to tell him? Because he's not going to do it on his own!!!
I lay down on my side to finally go to sleep. I took 2 benadryl as my eyelids were starting to itch. I feel a tear running across my nose. Get up and of course, it's blood, gushing out from where they did the laser. I take the dressings off, apply pressure for 20 minutes. Still bleeding. Apply pressure for another 20 minutes. No bleeding. By now, the benadryl has more than kicked in. I decide to adjust the bed to a reclining position and I manage to sleep most of the night - sitting up. I assume his glucose went back up - I wouldn't have been able to do anything for him and he wasn't able to be of any help to me.
So yes, I should not have had the laser procedure done while he is still recovering from surgery. But I had waited months to get an appointment. And it really doesn't matter when it was done - he could have still had a low.
We shouldn't have gone to see the baby after I had laser surgery - but he would have pouted and sulked....or worse yet, gotten in the car and driven himself.
We shouldn't have eaten out. I should have checked his bag. But why should I be the one to check his bag. Why can't he take everything he might need in the event plans change?
I should have checked his glucose tab supply. But why is that my job?
I should have checked his bag for insulin and everything else, but again, why is that my job?
And why is is that he can't figure out that he needs a mid-afternoon snack to keep his glucose up?
Why can't the endocrinologist see that he is still going low 1-2 times a day? And substantially lower his insulin? Why don't they put him back on the oher insulin? Why feed him carbs? Why not reduce the humulin or get him off it? Nasty stuff I think! Why aren't they monitoring him more closely?
Now I need to go chart what he ate at PFChangs and show him how he was 3x more sodium than he was supposed to have for the day! But I woke up with eyes swollen and even less of a slit to see out of and decided that today, I'm staying in bed. I can see find from a reclining position to just spend the day on my laptop. At 3 pm, I can take these dressings off and start my own post op care. I'm hoping if I remain quiet today, there won't be another bleeding episode tonight.
So, how do you care for a diabetic when you have to give 100% of your time caring for your own recovery?
How do you get a guy who is completely stupid when he goes low to retrain his thinking to tell himself during that low than rather than eating out, he needs to prepare and have healthy snacks in his bag with him at all times?
How do you get the diabetic to purchase their own glucose tabs BEFORE they run out?
How do you get a break from being a caregiver to someone who has diabetes???
And you know, I know there are no real answers....but I have to ask the questions anyway!
It's like the education session yesterday. 1 week after the session by the pharmiscists:
1. Hospital nutrition told him to use the entire line of Mrs. Dash
2. Pharmiscist said he cannot have any Mrs Dash that has potassium
3. Nutrition education said to use Mrs. Dash - did not even know some had potassium in them. Had 3 tubs of butter and asked us to determine which was the best. I pointed out that all 3 had potassium in them. I asked what he ws supposed to use for "butter". Her answer...."well, that is a problem, isn't it?"
No one has an answer.....
DW
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Truly tired
I don't know how other spouses take care of their chronically ill husbands. I'm not doing so well. I can't keep up with the house, the yard, cooking, groceries.....and helping him out of his hypos.
I've been doing some research on humulin RU 500. From rxlist.com, they say:
deep secondary hypoglycemic reactions may develop 18 to 24 hours after the original injection of Humulin R (U-500)
patients should be carefully observed
prompt treatment of such reactions should be initiated with glucagon injections and/or with glucose by intravenous injection or gavage.
We don'thave a glucagon pen. He is not being closely monitored at all. He's still going low a couple of times a day. But at least it's not continuous from 2 - 6 pm like it was.
And then from wikipedia.org:
affect of hypoglycemia on the brain:
if the amount of glucose supplied by the blood falls, the brain is one of the first organs affected
subtle reduction of mental efficiency can be observed when the glucose falls below 65 mg/dl
Impairment of action and judgment usually becomes obvious below 40 mg/dl
Prolonged, severe hypoglycemia can produce lasting damage of a wide range
The likelihood of permanent brain damage from any given instance of severe hypoglycemia is difficult to estimate, and depends on a multitude of factors such as age, recent blood and brain glucose experience, concurrent problems such as hypoxia, and availability of alternative fuels.
manifestations
impaired judgment
moodiness
depression
negativism
irritability
belligerence
combativeness
rage
personality change
fatigue
weakness
apathy
lethargy
daydreaming
sleep
confusion
amnesia
dizziness
staring
"glassy" look
blurred vision
auomatic behavior
slurred speech
incoordination
abnormal breathing
Hubby has had all of those since heart surgery during his lows.
continuning on, the same website says:
There is no consistent order to the appearance of the symptoms, if symptoms even occur
Specific manifestations may also vary by age, by severity of the hypoglycemia and the speed of the decline.
It makes perfectly good sense that his physicians should be following him closely. So, define "close". Once a day? Once a week? Inpatient?
He has not heard from his primary care physician in over a week.
He has not heard from the endocrinologist in over 9 days.
The surgery team has only called him one time since surgery.
He is being seen 3 times a week by cardiac physical therapy, but they would have nothing to do with his blood sugar lows.
And tonight, I am way too tired to care. Too tired to talk to him about it (like that might do a bit of good?). Too tired to read anyting else.
Diabetes can cause depression in the diabetic. I've read all the reasons why. I believe that it can also cause depression in the spouse and family members. I'm tired of worrying about him. I'm tired of taking care of him. Tired of eating the way he has to eat. Tired of cooking healthy food. If I see another piece of lettuce today I would simply scream!!! Tired of toting all his stuff up and down the stairs every day. Tired of fastening the seat belt when he gets into the car. Tired of opening doors for him.....
The list is endless.
I keep telling myself we only have one more week to go til the surgeon should release him to do some of this stuff.
I wonder if I will make it one more week.
OK, just ignore me - I'm tired.
DW
I've been doing some research on humulin RU 500. From rxlist.com, they say:
deep secondary hypoglycemic reactions may develop 18 to 24 hours after the original injection of Humulin R (U-500)
patients should be carefully observed
prompt treatment of such reactions should be initiated with glucagon injections and/or with glucose by intravenous injection or gavage.
We don'thave a glucagon pen. He is not being closely monitored at all. He's still going low a couple of times a day. But at least it's not continuous from 2 - 6 pm like it was.
And then from wikipedia.org:
affect of hypoglycemia on the brain:
if the amount of glucose supplied by the blood falls, the brain is one of the first organs affected
subtle reduction of mental efficiency can be observed when the glucose falls below 65 mg/dl
Impairment of action and judgment usually becomes obvious below 40 mg/dl
Prolonged, severe hypoglycemia can produce lasting damage of a wide range
The likelihood of permanent brain damage from any given instance of severe hypoglycemia is difficult to estimate, and depends on a multitude of factors such as age, recent blood and brain glucose experience, concurrent problems such as hypoxia, and availability of alternative fuels.
manifestations
impaired judgment
moodiness
depression
negativism
irritability
belligerence
combativeness
rage
personality change
fatigue
weakness
apathy
lethargy
daydreaming
sleep
confusion
amnesia
dizziness
staring
"glassy" look
blurred vision
auomatic behavior
slurred speech
incoordination
abnormal breathing
Hubby has had all of those since heart surgery during his lows.
continuning on, the same website says:
There is no consistent order to the appearance of the symptoms, if symptoms even occur
Specific manifestations may also vary by age, by severity of the hypoglycemia and the speed of the decline.
It makes perfectly good sense that his physicians should be following him closely. So, define "close". Once a day? Once a week? Inpatient?
He has not heard from his primary care physician in over a week.
He has not heard from the endocrinologist in over 9 days.
The surgery team has only called him one time since surgery.
He is being seen 3 times a week by cardiac physical therapy, but they would have nothing to do with his blood sugar lows.
And tonight, I am way too tired to care. Too tired to talk to him about it (like that might do a bit of good?). Too tired to read anyting else.
Diabetes can cause depression in the diabetic. I've read all the reasons why. I believe that it can also cause depression in the spouse and family members. I'm tired of worrying about him. I'm tired of taking care of him. Tired of eating the way he has to eat. Tired of cooking healthy food. If I see another piece of lettuce today I would simply scream!!! Tired of toting all his stuff up and down the stairs every day. Tired of fastening the seat belt when he gets into the car. Tired of opening doors for him.....
The list is endless.
I keep telling myself we only have one more week to go til the surgeon should release him to do some of this stuff.
I wonder if I will make it one more week.
OK, just ignore me - I'm tired.
DW
Monday, April 12, 2010
Weekend notes
Sister and brother-in-law here. b-i-l got a new laptop and hubby helped him program it. Pretty good weekend all in all. Hubby started back to work today, part time, from home. He was exhausted and hoarse by noon. But sticking with schedules, menus and doing pretty good. One low today after PT, so probably from exercising. Will watch tomorrow. Might be time to reduce the Humulin even more. My sister went home this afternoon. She's been here a week. It has been wonderful. She motivated me to get back to my art which has been so much fun. Time for me to move ahead. Hubby is doing more and more. I still have to drive him everywhere for at least another week. Hope the surgeon will release him next week, but he may not be able to drive due to the narcotics he is on for back pain.
I'm starting to feel a bit more rested. This is an easy week. 3 days of PT, I have o/p surgery to remove tags from my eyelids on Wed - and the grandson is supposed to be delivered that morning. Should be a good week.
DW
I'm starting to feel a bit more rested. This is an easy week. 3 days of PT, I have o/p surgery to remove tags from my eyelids on Wed - and the grandson is supposed to be delivered that morning. Should be a good week.
DW
Friday, April 09, 2010
Pure stupidity- if you ask me!
I let him decide what he wants for breakfast and lunch. So today, he had turkey, cottage cheese and peaches. Hardly any carbs at all. The nutritionist had told him yesterday that he needs 45- 60 carbs per meal and that he should make sure he has them on the days that he has cardiac therapy. I asked him if he wanted more carbs, he said, no.
So, at 2 pm, he was low. He ate an apple. No glucose tabs, of course. And he was low at cardiac therapy.
So how stupid is that? He knows absolutely what he is supposed to do. He knows what he is supposed to eat. He just doesn't want to do it. Or is it a control issue? Or does he just want the attention of the therapists? I sat out in the lobby today - I'm just not going to watch him be stupid. Someone needs to slap this guy up the side of the head for sure!!!
On the way home, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I told him that if he has a death wish, if he wants to die, let me know, I'll help him out. All he has to do is quit taking all of his meds and we will eat out 3 meals a day, 7 days a week. And if he wants to live, then he needs to do this 100%, not just the parts of it he wants to do.
He said, "yes maam". And I told him not to put this on me. I said that I'm not the person with diabetes or a heart problem. That I am only changing my eathing habits to help him, but I sure don't have to do that. I reminded him that he is the person picking what he wants to eat, not me. I ask him every single meal what he wants. So I have nothing to do with it - it's entirely up to him.
So of course, he's mad at me still. But today, I just didn't care. I'm back to my "good place" where I know this is not my problem, not my disease. I have done a really good job of taking care of him for the last 4 weeks and now it's time that he start taking care of himself. I know he doesn't want to. I know he wants to blame me or anyone else for everything that is wrong. But I'm not going to let him blame me.
He's been given a new chance to live with this surgery. He's just pretty stupid to not do what he has to do. And don't tell me it's hard. I'm eating exactly what his doctors and the nutritionist have told him to eat. So I know it can be done.
DW
So, at 2 pm, he was low. He ate an apple. No glucose tabs, of course. And he was low at cardiac therapy.
So how stupid is that? He knows absolutely what he is supposed to do. He knows what he is supposed to eat. He just doesn't want to do it. Or is it a control issue? Or does he just want the attention of the therapists? I sat out in the lobby today - I'm just not going to watch him be stupid. Someone needs to slap this guy up the side of the head for sure!!!
On the way home, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I told him that if he has a death wish, if he wants to die, let me know, I'll help him out. All he has to do is quit taking all of his meds and we will eat out 3 meals a day, 7 days a week. And if he wants to live, then he needs to do this 100%, not just the parts of it he wants to do.
He said, "yes maam". And I told him not to put this on me. I said that I'm not the person with diabetes or a heart problem. That I am only changing my eathing habits to help him, but I sure don't have to do that. I reminded him that he is the person picking what he wants to eat, not me. I ask him every single meal what he wants. So I have nothing to do with it - it's entirely up to him.
So of course, he's mad at me still. But today, I just didn't care. I'm back to my "good place" where I know this is not my problem, not my disease. I have done a really good job of taking care of him for the last 4 weeks and now it's time that he start taking care of himself. I know he doesn't want to. I know he wants to blame me or anyone else for everything that is wrong. But I'm not going to let him blame me.
He's been given a new chance to live with this surgery. He's just pretty stupid to not do what he has to do. And don't tell me it's hard. I'm eating exactly what his doctors and the nutritionist have told him to eat. So I know it can be done.
DW
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