Funny that I can diagnose him better than he can! I have no doubt that he's in pre-op depression right now. Ugh! Two more weeks of this? I wish he could be a little more like me. I've chosen to be positive about everything. And if I'm wrong, we'll deal with it when we have to. He's chosen the direct opposite path and is thinking nothing is worth anything.
How on earth does he expect me to stay positive? I am really trying hard today to overcome his depression and it's just not all that easy. He sighs all the time. Has this mopey look about himself. Doesn't even try to get my jokes. (Now, that hurts! LOLOL!!!)
I know it's just something that he has to go through....but I'm sorry to say that the rest of us have to go through it with him.
So today, I buried myself in my art! I've been hired by a local store to teach classes one night a week - something to force me out into the art world. They seem to be more than willing to work around my schedule with him, so I took them up on their offer to teach!
I've planned a pizza party tomorrow night with friends who have little girls that he adores. And my sis is coming down for the weekend with her husband. So I'm hoping this will force him out of his depression.
On the other hand - his birthday is next week.....yeah, I understand "that" depression! LOLOL!!!
I've made up my mind - it's going to be a great weekend! Hope yours is too!
DW
Friday, January 14, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Kidney stints???
There are multiple surgeons preparing for hubby's operations. One of them called to talk to him about his appendix incision from 30 years ago. It might be in the way of where they want to put kidney stints.
KIDNEY STINTS?????
No one mentioned that!
So I did my google research and actually, I think they might be a good thing for this kind of surgery. Protection in the event there is blockage.
But don't you love it how "information" arrives? via a phone call? about a 30 year old incision?
That surgeon called back today and said after looking at more xrays and records, he's decided the incision isn't going to be in the way.
And I am pleased that they are wanting to take steps to protect his kidneys. They only function at 22% right now. We need to preserve them as long as possible.
Tomorrow he goes to get fitted for his back brace. Another 1 hour drive there and an hour back.
Yesterday, we drove and hour to the hospital for him to bank his 3rd pint of blood. His hematocrit was too low (by 1 point) so he called the surgeon who said they were delighted he had manaaged to bank 2 pints and to not worry about the 3rd pint. So a 2 hour drive for nothing. But you have to do these things to get ready.
And I wonder why I'm tired all the time? :o)
I'm so grateful to have my sisters. I call when I get down. I called today. I do think it's wearing me out. I'm fighting depression. Fighting the unknown, the "what-if's". Trying hard to stay positive for him. She gave me a 20 minute pep talk and I was fine after that. We decided the "key" is one of 2 things;
1. Give in to the feelings, eat chocolate, watch a movie, fall asleep and wake up ready to go
or
2. Take on a project. Get busy. Do something. Be active. Ignore the sadness and the fears. Put it all in God's hands.
Today, I picked # 2 and was so busy in a half hour that I forgot about his problems!
Now, if I can just remember that the next time.....
DW
KIDNEY STINTS?????
No one mentioned that!
So I did my google research and actually, I think they might be a good thing for this kind of surgery. Protection in the event there is blockage.
But don't you love it how "information" arrives? via a phone call? about a 30 year old incision?
That surgeon called back today and said after looking at more xrays and records, he's decided the incision isn't going to be in the way.
And I am pleased that they are wanting to take steps to protect his kidneys. They only function at 22% right now. We need to preserve them as long as possible.
Tomorrow he goes to get fitted for his back brace. Another 1 hour drive there and an hour back.
Yesterday, we drove and hour to the hospital for him to bank his 3rd pint of blood. His hematocrit was too low (by 1 point) so he called the surgeon who said they were delighted he had manaaged to bank 2 pints and to not worry about the 3rd pint. So a 2 hour drive for nothing. But you have to do these things to get ready.
And I wonder why I'm tired all the time? :o)
I'm so grateful to have my sisters. I call when I get down. I called today. I do think it's wearing me out. I'm fighting depression. Fighting the unknown, the "what-if's". Trying hard to stay positive for him. She gave me a 20 minute pep talk and I was fine after that. We decided the "key" is one of 2 things;
1. Give in to the feelings, eat chocolate, watch a movie, fall asleep and wake up ready to go
or
2. Take on a project. Get busy. Do something. Be active. Ignore the sadness and the fears. Put it all in God's hands.
Today, I picked # 2 and was so busy in a half hour that I forgot about his problems!
Now, if I can just remember that the next time.....
DW
Friday, January 07, 2011
Passed a milepost!
Went to his cardiologists today and he passed with flying colors. Had a new EKG and no problems. What a sigh of relief!!!
He also "graduated" from wound care. We don't have to go back. The incision on his ankle where they took the vein out for bypass surgery has finally healed! Another big yeah!
Love it when there's good news!
Plus, he got a parking spot right up front at the clinic! Gotta make you smile! LOL!
DW
He also "graduated" from wound care. We don't have to go back. The incision on his ankle where they took the vein out for bypass surgery has finally healed! Another big yeah!
Love it when there's good news!
Plus, he got a parking spot right up front at the clinic! Gotta make you smile! LOL!
DW
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Nesting
They say that pregnant women "nest" right before they deliver. I remember doing that. Cleaning up a storm, getting our "nest" ready for the new little birdie.
I realized this week that I'm "nesting". I'm cleaning, sorting, and organizing, getting ready for his surgery and 8 months of recovery. Funny - I didn't know that's what I was doing - but it hit me like a lightening bold. Little things. I put a bench inside the front door, so he can sit and rest. I put a wheeled student type chair right inside his office door. I put another one in the bathroom. Today, I hung shelves in the utility room and brought the tool we use the most in from the garage and put them on the shelves.
I think I'm getting ready for limited mobility in the next 8 months. And while I don't have any way of knowing what it will be like, I think somehow, instinctively, I was getting ready. Now that it hit me what I'm doing - it's sort of funny.
He is really apprehensive about the operations. So we have been talking a lot. His cortisone has worn completley off and he is pretty much in pain full time. I really hope this works. I understand that if it doesn't, the only solution is another surgery.
I also noticed that I am retreating into my protective shell. turning down invitiations. Not inviting people over. Not going to meetings. My way of coping? So I invited another couple to dinner and movies this weekend. I agreed to go to a meeting with a group I belong to. Going to try to accept more invitations. Sometimes, I think I'm just not able to deal with everything and I start to shut down, then something wakes me up and I'm just fine.
Tomorrow we visit his cardiologist. He gets and EKG and an echocardiogram. Sure hope they come back ok!
DW
I realized this week that I'm "nesting". I'm cleaning, sorting, and organizing, getting ready for his surgery and 8 months of recovery. Funny - I didn't know that's what I was doing - but it hit me like a lightening bold. Little things. I put a bench inside the front door, so he can sit and rest. I put a wheeled student type chair right inside his office door. I put another one in the bathroom. Today, I hung shelves in the utility room and brought the tool we use the most in from the garage and put them on the shelves.
I think I'm getting ready for limited mobility in the next 8 months. And while I don't have any way of knowing what it will be like, I think somehow, instinctively, I was getting ready. Now that it hit me what I'm doing - it's sort of funny.
He is really apprehensive about the operations. So we have been talking a lot. His cortisone has worn completley off and he is pretty much in pain full time. I really hope this works. I understand that if it doesn't, the only solution is another surgery.
I also noticed that I am retreating into my protective shell. turning down invitiations. Not inviting people over. Not going to meetings. My way of coping? So I invited another couple to dinner and movies this weekend. I agreed to go to a meeting with a group I belong to. Going to try to accept more invitations. Sometimes, I think I'm just not able to deal with everything and I start to shut down, then something wakes me up and I'm just fine.
Tomorrow we visit his cardiologist. He gets and EKG and an echocardiogram. Sure hope they come back ok!
DW
Monday, January 03, 2011
Surviving December
Sure sounds like a great movie title! LOL!!! But we made it! Janaury 3 and we have survived it all! Yeah us! LOL!!!
Lilly, I want to apologize to you. I did say Lynn and meant Lilly and I now have the link to your blog over on the side. So there are 4 of us posting the honest truth about what it's like being married to a diabetic. I find the similarities and the differences all so interesting. I'm still amazed at the number of diabetics who are at some stage of denial as to what is really going on in their bodies. I think my hubby is relying on me more and more to tell him what is going on. He doesn't seem to actually notice declines in body functions and I seem to be inately alert to the slightest change. And then my sister pops in and is overwhelmed by his decline and I realize just how much I miss.
This week is the "parkinsons" type shakes. He can no longer cut his own food. And that is sad. I'm sure it is from the neuropathy. When there are no nerves, how can you feel that you have a fork and knife in your hands? He has lost most of his grip due to carpel tunnel. But again, I believe that's tied to neuropathy as well.
I noticed just today that even simple things like filling his pill box are becoming difficult Hard to hit the bin with the pill when you are shaking as bad as he does Seems to be worse when he is tired, but getting to be pretty bad all of the time.
Did our second blood bank visit today. Things are moving right along. I think the big hurdle is getting a release from this cardiologist to do the spinal fusion. I woke up today with such a complete peace about the whole process Not worried any longer. Just putting it all into God's hands and going to make the best of whatever the outcome is.
Here's hoping we all have a positive year. By supporting each other, we can make the road a little bit easier to travel!
DW
Lilly, I want to apologize to you. I did say Lynn and meant Lilly and I now have the link to your blog over on the side. So there are 4 of us posting the honest truth about what it's like being married to a diabetic. I find the similarities and the differences all so interesting. I'm still amazed at the number of diabetics who are at some stage of denial as to what is really going on in their bodies. I think my hubby is relying on me more and more to tell him what is going on. He doesn't seem to actually notice declines in body functions and I seem to be inately alert to the slightest change. And then my sister pops in and is overwhelmed by his decline and I realize just how much I miss.
This week is the "parkinsons" type shakes. He can no longer cut his own food. And that is sad. I'm sure it is from the neuropathy. When there are no nerves, how can you feel that you have a fork and knife in your hands? He has lost most of his grip due to carpel tunnel. But again, I believe that's tied to neuropathy as well.
I noticed just today that even simple things like filling his pill box are becoming difficult Hard to hit the bin with the pill when you are shaking as bad as he does Seems to be worse when he is tired, but getting to be pretty bad all of the time.
Did our second blood bank visit today. Things are moving right along. I think the big hurdle is getting a release from this cardiologist to do the spinal fusion. I woke up today with such a complete peace about the whole process Not worried any longer. Just putting it all into God's hands and going to make the best of whatever the outcome is.
Here's hoping we all have a positive year. By supporting each other, we can make the road a little bit easier to travel!
DW
Friday, December 24, 2010
New "wife of diabetic" blogger!
Lynn wrote:
I've added Lynn's blog link over on the right. Lynn, welcome to this tiny group of women who are writing the day-to-day life of what goes on. We are slowly growing. I think it's so healthful to me to simply write what I'm feeling at the moment. It's a great outlet of stress. But more than anything - I'm documenting his progres (or lack of it). Doesn't matter if it's type 1 or 2, we are in this together.
Lynn, it sounds like your hubby is about a year or so behind the process of where my hubby was. He's been through PT and done the cortisone injections. Nothing worked. Here's my thoughts...the nerve endings are dying off. They do not heal. High sugar causes blood vessels to constrict and die off, why wouldn't it also cause the spinal column to constrict? And because this is caused by diabetis, not injury, then it can't be "fixed" without surgery. Just my opinon. Good luck!
Oh, and I have no idea how to market a blog like this. Mine seems to get picked up by the wierdest feeds!
Now, to Tom's wife: Thank you for blogging! I was truly worried. I used to have a mantra when I worked. I would sit at my desk and repeat over and over...IJAJ....IJAJ....IJAJ....it's just a job....it's just a job. Got me through many days!
Hubby's back is so bad he decided we couldn't go to the in-laws this year. I got lucky for once! Horrible people. If they ever read this blog, they deserve to know just how bad they are! I don't envy you at all. Your in-laws sound exactly like mine! Are you sure we're not related???
I have decided that the best gift anyone can give me is bubble bath! Think about it. If I use it, it forces me to spend time soaking in a tub. Which means that I'm not doing something else. I'm resting. Maybe we should all send each other bubble bath. OK - let's save on postage...everyone go out and buy their own bubble bath! LOL!
Hubby has been off work for 2 weeks and we have been resting and relaxing. We turned down every single holiday invite except for 1. It's been a very stress free month. I just don't think he could have handled anything this year. We spent today with his kids and grandkids. Bittersweet. The new grandson (8 months old now) has been diagnosed with epilepsy. Up to 100 mini seizures per day. On new meds and today....no seizures. The parents (hubby's son and wife) look beat - completely drained. So heart wrenching for me as my youngest son, now age 26, has had seizures his entire life. Sometimes diabetes seems like nothing.
DW
Hope that all goes well with your husband and surgery. My husband is also in a lot of pain with spinal stenosis. However, because of his slow healing, he cannot find anyone who will even consider doing surgery. He has been told surgery may make things even worse because of all his other health problems. I finally "took the leap" and started my own blog today. Not sure how to let other people know, as I have been reading the other blogs you are following. I am still new to this! Here is my link: http://type1d.blogspot.com/ Yes, my husband is a Type 1, but so many of your challenges are so similar to mine. Again, thanks for having the courage to tell it like it is in your blog. You have truly helped, just by letting me know I am not alone in this craziness.
I've added Lynn's blog link over on the right. Lynn, welcome to this tiny group of women who are writing the day-to-day life of what goes on. We are slowly growing. I think it's so healthful to me to simply write what I'm feeling at the moment. It's a great outlet of stress. But more than anything - I'm documenting his progres (or lack of it). Doesn't matter if it's type 1 or 2, we are in this together.
Lynn, it sounds like your hubby is about a year or so behind the process of where my hubby was. He's been through PT and done the cortisone injections. Nothing worked. Here's my thoughts...the nerve endings are dying off. They do not heal. High sugar causes blood vessels to constrict and die off, why wouldn't it also cause the spinal column to constrict? And because this is caused by diabetis, not injury, then it can't be "fixed" without surgery. Just my opinon. Good luck!
Oh, and I have no idea how to market a blog like this. Mine seems to get picked up by the wierdest feeds!
Now, to Tom's wife: Thank you for blogging! I was truly worried. I used to have a mantra when I worked. I would sit at my desk and repeat over and over...IJAJ....IJAJ....IJAJ....it's just a job....it's just a job. Got me through many days!
Hubby's back is so bad he decided we couldn't go to the in-laws this year. I got lucky for once! Horrible people. If they ever read this blog, they deserve to know just how bad they are! I don't envy you at all. Your in-laws sound exactly like mine! Are you sure we're not related???
I have decided that the best gift anyone can give me is bubble bath! Think about it. If I use it, it forces me to spend time soaking in a tub. Which means that I'm not doing something else. I'm resting. Maybe we should all send each other bubble bath. OK - let's save on postage...everyone go out and buy their own bubble bath! LOL!
Hubby has been off work for 2 weeks and we have been resting and relaxing. We turned down every single holiday invite except for 1. It's been a very stress free month. I just don't think he could have handled anything this year. We spent today with his kids and grandkids. Bittersweet. The new grandson (8 months old now) has been diagnosed with epilepsy. Up to 100 mini seizures per day. On new meds and today....no seizures. The parents (hubby's son and wife) look beat - completely drained. So heart wrenching for me as my youngest son, now age 26, has had seizures his entire life. Sometimes diabetes seems like nothing.
DW
Friday, December 17, 2010
Peace, oh! sweet peace!
But I know it's the calm before the storm! He is off work til the end of the year and there is nothing on our calendar. We don't celebrate Christmas much. We will spend the 24th with his kids and grandkids, but it will be a quiet day.
He finally quit gorting on everything in site and is now back to eating salads and fairly healthy foods.
He has agreed to consider water exercise. I'm going to check out local classes.
He said that starting next week, we will do minor exercises to help build up his strength pre-op.
We went to wound care today and the incision on his ankle from his open heart surgery last March is finally starting to close up.
Our first pre-op visit is 12/27. We have 2-3 appointment every week for the next 5 weeks.
********
As a side note - I am worried about Wife of a Diabetic 2.....I sure hope everything is ok and that you are just too busy to post.
*********
Lynn wrote:
I truly hope his back isn't as bad as what my hubby is facing. We are almost at 2 years of no mobility now. It is no fun, that's for sure. My hubby has an extremely high pain threshold. I think what he's going through would kill me. I'm really hoping this surgery will help. I know we have 8 months of recovery before we will really know anything and I'm going to have to keep him motivated for those 8 months so that he stays on track and heals. Ah! The fun we have! LOL!
DW
He finally quit gorting on everything in site and is now back to eating salads and fairly healthy foods.
He has agreed to consider water exercise. I'm going to check out local classes.
He said that starting next week, we will do minor exercises to help build up his strength pre-op.
We went to wound care today and the incision on his ankle from his open heart surgery last March is finally starting to close up.
Our first pre-op visit is 12/27. We have 2-3 appointment every week for the next 5 weeks.
********
As a side note - I am worried about Wife of a Diabetic 2.....I sure hope everything is ok and that you are just too busy to post.
*********
Lynn wrote:
Welll we found out his back is messed up bad...will learn more Monday... no wonder he has been in such pain AND limited.
also he was set up with HEALTH BUDDIES via the VA and will be posting his blood readings daily and in communication often so we hope this gets him in a better daily routine for keeping on top of things...hangin' in, girlfriend?
I truly hope his back isn't as bad as what my hubby is facing. We are almost at 2 years of no mobility now. It is no fun, that's for sure. My hubby has an extremely high pain threshold. I think what he's going through would kill me. I'm really hoping this surgery will help. I know we have 8 months of recovery before we will really know anything and I'm going to have to keep him motivated for those 8 months so that he stays on track and heals. Ah! The fun we have! LOL!
DW
Sunday, December 12, 2010
What a day!
Some days he just scares me to death!
He wanted to go to Wild Buffalo Wings for lunch
Then to Costoc
He came home and at 3 pm, he ate a whole bag of potato chips
At 4 pm, he ate my leftovers from WBW
At 6 pm, he fixed himself THREE chicken salad sandwiches
HOW can he consume so much? He's going to weigh 400 pounds before surgery and the doctor told he he has to lose 50 pounds.
I'm stuffed just watching him eat.
Wait...maybe this is a good thing? LOL!
Seriously - it scares me how much food he eats.
And a bag of peanut M&Ms in the last 2 days as well.
He's been in a horrible mood since noon today. Just horrible. I'm exhausted. My sis is here, so I do have my sanity!
DW
He wanted to go to Wild Buffalo Wings for lunch
Then to Costoc
He came home and at 3 pm, he ate a whole bag of potato chips
At 4 pm, he ate my leftovers from WBW
At 6 pm, he fixed himself THREE chicken salad sandwiches
HOW can he consume so much? He's going to weigh 400 pounds before surgery and the doctor told he he has to lose 50 pounds.
I'm stuffed just watching him eat.
Wait...maybe this is a good thing? LOL!
Seriously - it scares me how much food he eats.
And a bag of peanut M&Ms in the last 2 days as well.
He's been in a horrible mood since noon today. Just horrible. I'm exhausted. My sis is here, so I do have my sanity!
DW
Thursday, December 09, 2010
On again, odd again, on again....
LOL!!! Not sure where we last left off, but we are now back to having back surgery and not going away for the holidays. I should write down the decision of the day, huh? And this today after a new cortisone injection just yesterday. He actually called the surgeons office this afternoon. The or room has been booked and everything is on schedule. I wouldn't do it myself, but then I'm not in pain.
I worry about it being too soon after his heart surgery
I worry that his kidneys will fail with 2 surgeries 2 days apart
I worry that he may be worse off than he is now
It has been 6 full months since he last had any labs done.
He said he will get them done in January.
I am praying for a quiet remainder of the year
My sis is here for. Couple of weeks so he is on his best behavior
And she is giving me much needed reprieve from our daily life
It's all good-- like the quiet before the storm
Dw
I worry about it being too soon after his heart surgery
I worry that his kidneys will fail with 2 surgeries 2 days apart
I worry that he may be worse off than he is now
It has been 6 full months since he last had any labs done.
He said he will get them done in January.
I am praying for a quiet remainder of the year
My sis is here for. Couple of weeks so he is on his best behavior
And she is giving me much needed reprieve from our daily life
It's all good-- like the quiet before the storm
Dw
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Diabetes and back pain
Lynn, this is sort of for you based on your last comment.
And it's just my opinion, nothing professional.
We know that nerve endings die off in the feet and fingers first in a diabetic
But it makes sense to me that nerve endings are dying off inside....as well as outside.
Intestines - causing diahrrea, other complications
Kidneys - kidney failure
lungs - respiratory problems
and what else is dying off? Probably not just nerve endings. Is oxygen getting to all the parts of the body? Feet? Hands, etc.
We know that blood vessels die off due to high glucose. And if he's going low all the time, there's a matching "high" that's doing damage.
If vertebrae collapse, the spine curves.
And spinal column narrowing....has to be the same thing as blood veins narrowing...
When nerve endings die off, there's pain for 2 years.
The sciatia nerve...dying off? Does it? Can it? I'm sure it can.
Horrible, terrifying disease.
But life does go on. No matter what. Hubby's grandma died this week, one of my best friends from gradeschool died...and life goes on.
Hubby's cortisone injection wore off. In the blink of an eye. One day he was doing fine, the next day taking 2 dilaudid at a time.
One day he wasn't going to have back surgery, next day he's thinking about it.
One day, we were going to go away for the holidays, next day we aren't.
Next cortisone injection is Dec 8.
I think everything will change again - once he feels a little better.
But I have to survive between now and then!
DW
And it's just my opinion, nothing professional.
We know that nerve endings die off in the feet and fingers first in a diabetic
But it makes sense to me that nerve endings are dying off inside....as well as outside.
Intestines - causing diahrrea, other complications
Kidneys - kidney failure
lungs - respiratory problems
and what else is dying off? Probably not just nerve endings. Is oxygen getting to all the parts of the body? Feet? Hands, etc.
We know that blood vessels die off due to high glucose. And if he's going low all the time, there's a matching "high" that's doing damage.
If vertebrae collapse, the spine curves.
And spinal column narrowing....has to be the same thing as blood veins narrowing...
When nerve endings die off, there's pain for 2 years.
The sciatia nerve...dying off? Does it? Can it? I'm sure it can.
Horrible, terrifying disease.
But life does go on. No matter what. Hubby's grandma died this week, one of my best friends from gradeschool died...and life goes on.
Hubby's cortisone injection wore off. In the blink of an eye. One day he was doing fine, the next day taking 2 dilaudid at a time.
One day he wasn't going to have back surgery, next day he's thinking about it.
One day, we were going to go away for the holidays, next day we aren't.
Next cortisone injection is Dec 8.
I think everything will change again - once he feels a little better.
But I have to survive between now and then!
DW
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Life doesn't stop
just because your husband has diabetes. But there are days when I wish I could just put it on pause!
Hubby's 91 year old grandma died Thanksgiving morning. She lives 1000 miles away.
His dad went into the hospital on Monday with HPB and glucose at 400 - he was passing out all the time.
He went home Thursday pm on new meds.
Tuesday, hubby went to his oldest granddaughter's school for grandparent's day. I had a meeting so couldn't go with him. In attendance was his ex wife, her husband, his son, his daugher-in-law, and his DILs parents.
The DILs mother made the "arrangements" and "forgot" to reserve a spot for my husband...he had to sit in the back of the auditorium.
In the classroom, granddaughter had made cards for everyone but him.
Yes, he has absolutely horrible children who have absolutely no respect for him. What are they teaching their own children?
Bottom line is that he came home and cried. He NEVER cries. This hurt him beyond belief.
Being this upset, with this much going on in such a short time is not good for a diabetic. A roller coaster of emotions.
So my family came to the rescue! 2 of my sisters came with their husbands, drove 2 hours each to get here, and we took him out to lunch yesterday. Everyone doted over him and told him how much they appreciated him and his help with all their computers It was a true thanksgiving. And he really loved every moment of it.
I think we may have to adopt different grandchildren. I doubt he ever goes back to the school. We'll see what he does for the holiday. This is the year he had open heart surgery and they have come to visit him 3 times....they live less than an hour away. It's just a good thing they are not my own kids. LOL!!! Actually, my son treats him much better than his own kids do
Needless to say, it's been one of those weeks. We need a break! Hopefully next week will be calm!
DW
Hubby's 91 year old grandma died Thanksgiving morning. She lives 1000 miles away.
His dad went into the hospital on Monday with HPB and glucose at 400 - he was passing out all the time.
He went home Thursday pm on new meds.
Tuesday, hubby went to his oldest granddaughter's school for grandparent's day. I had a meeting so couldn't go with him. In attendance was his ex wife, her husband, his son, his daugher-in-law, and his DILs parents.
The DILs mother made the "arrangements" and "forgot" to reserve a spot for my husband...he had to sit in the back of the auditorium.
In the classroom, granddaughter had made cards for everyone but him.
Yes, he has absolutely horrible children who have absolutely no respect for him. What are they teaching their own children?
Bottom line is that he came home and cried. He NEVER cries. This hurt him beyond belief.
Being this upset, with this much going on in such a short time is not good for a diabetic. A roller coaster of emotions.
So my family came to the rescue! 2 of my sisters came with their husbands, drove 2 hours each to get here, and we took him out to lunch yesterday. Everyone doted over him and told him how much they appreciated him and his help with all their computers It was a true thanksgiving. And he really loved every moment of it.
I think we may have to adopt different grandchildren. I doubt he ever goes back to the school. We'll see what he does for the holiday. This is the year he had open heart surgery and they have come to visit him 3 times....they live less than an hour away. It's just a good thing they are not my own kids. LOL!!! Actually, my son treats him much better than his own kids do
Needless to say, it's been one of those weeks. We need a break! Hopefully next week will be calm!
DW
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Busy bee here!
Lynn wrote:
What's his A1c? My hubby's A1c is 8.2 which is way too high. And, of course, he doesn't watch what he eats at all. Fried chicken wings tonight doused with Peanut M&Ms. He doesn't smoke or chew....about the only "good" habit he has! OK, he doesn't drink either. I know that he really wants to make good choices, but he gives in to what he'd rather do every single day. I've simply given up with him!
I was gone to a meeting almost all day long. He went to bed at 7 pm. I can tell the cortisone has almost completley worn off. He's either sitting on the sofa (recliner on the end) or in bed (adjustable bed). He is getting absolutely no exercise and it's because of his pain - he can barely function.
Between my art and genealogy projects, I am busier than I've ever been. Made the decision that life goes on. Have another genealogy meeting tomorrow, then an art day on Tuesday, a day off on Wednesday, and then driving a couple hours to see mom on Thanksgiving. Major powerpoint presentation due 12/5, so must find the time to put together a video for it...lots of fun things going on right now.
Life isgood.
But in the back of my mind...there's always that non-stop worry about him.
:o)
DW
My hubby's readings are 179 AND higher...it is seldom under 200...but he is really watching the eating and cut way down on the chewing tobacco so he is making an effort...don't know what to make of your hubby's behavior but it sounds like he is wanting to make good choices but doesn't know what to do at this point.
What's his A1c? My hubby's A1c is 8.2 which is way too high. And, of course, he doesn't watch what he eats at all. Fried chicken wings tonight doused with Peanut M&Ms. He doesn't smoke or chew....about the only "good" habit he has! OK, he doesn't drink either. I know that he really wants to make good choices, but he gives in to what he'd rather do every single day. I've simply given up with him!
I was gone to a meeting almost all day long. He went to bed at 7 pm. I can tell the cortisone has almost completley worn off. He's either sitting on the sofa (recliner on the end) or in bed (adjustable bed). He is getting absolutely no exercise and it's because of his pain - he can barely function.
Between my art and genealogy projects, I am busier than I've ever been. Made the decision that life goes on. Have another genealogy meeting tomorrow, then an art day on Tuesday, a day off on Wednesday, and then driving a couple hours to see mom on Thanksgiving. Major powerpoint presentation due 12/5, so must find the time to put together a video for it...lots of fun things going on right now.
Life isgood.
But in the back of my mind...there's always that non-stop worry about him.
:o)
DW
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Prevent diabetes poster child
One of my art pals was here this week. She hadn't seen hubby in quite some time. And in that interim, she has been tested as "pre" diabetic. She said, "You husband is my poster child for what I don't want to be."
I thought that was amazing. At least he is doing some good by being so bad. She has watched him deteriorate over the last 4 years. I was so impressed with her eating. Low to no carbs. No sugar. No white flour. No soda. She is taking all the right steps to keep from becoming diabetic. I congratulated her and I really think she will beat this.
But who knew I was married to a poster child...of sorts?
DW
I thought that was amazing. At least he is doing some good by being so bad. She has watched him deteriorate over the last 4 years. I was so impressed with her eating. Low to no carbs. No sugar. No white flour. No soda. She is taking all the right steps to keep from becoming diabetic. I congratulated her and I really think she will beat this.
But who knew I was married to a poster child...of sorts?
DW
Something's going on....and I can't figure out what
He is running a low grade temp
The wound on his ankle is slowly healing. 8 months....gives new meaning to the word "slow".
His eyelids are extremely swollen and he has an overall puffiness to him
He doesn't eat anything for 2 or 3 days and then he eats every 2 hours for 2 or 3 days
He isn't sleeping at nights. He is staying in bed most of the day.
If I ask him if he's ok, he says "yes"
He decided not to have the back surgery. Now he's thinking he will have it. It's scheduled for 1/31 and 2/2.
The cortisone shot is starting to wear off. Next one is scheduled for 12/8
He doesn't want to make even the simplest decisions...like what to have for dinner
He was going to go visit his parents for the last 2 weeks of December, now he's not going. (I was going to go with him)
His sugars are running high again...179 fasting.
He is refusing to go to the doctor or get new labs done. He has not had any labs done since June and that was only a partial set, did not include A1c.
I feel like I'm back on that merry-go-round-roller-coaster.
Sorta want to throw up!
DW
The wound on his ankle is slowly healing. 8 months....gives new meaning to the word "slow".
His eyelids are extremely swollen and he has an overall puffiness to him
He doesn't eat anything for 2 or 3 days and then he eats every 2 hours for 2 or 3 days
He isn't sleeping at nights. He is staying in bed most of the day.
If I ask him if he's ok, he says "yes"
He decided not to have the back surgery. Now he's thinking he will have it. It's scheduled for 1/31 and 2/2.
The cortisone shot is starting to wear off. Next one is scheduled for 12/8
He doesn't want to make even the simplest decisions...like what to have for dinner
He was going to go visit his parents for the last 2 weeks of December, now he's not going. (I was going to go with him)
His sugars are running high again...179 fasting.
He is refusing to go to the doctor or get new labs done. He has not had any labs done since June and that was only a partial set, did not include A1c.
I feel like I'm back on that merry-go-round-roller-coaster.
Sorta want to throw up!
DW
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Puffing up again
One of my friends came to visit yesterday. She hadn't seen hubby in 3 months. She said, "he's really puffing up, isn't he?"
Interesting because I had told him just the day before that he looked really swollen.
Kidney failure again? Well, we won't know until he starts vomiting again. Such a game of wait and see.
In the meantime, life is good. We are doing less and less, going out less, entertaining less, socializing less.
but I'm ok with that. It's winter. Time to hibernate. LOL!
He added netflix to every TV in the house. We can watch movies from anywhere. At least he is easily entertained!
No sugar lows to speak of. Things are very quiet....very normal. I love it!
A lull in the merry-go-round-roller-coaster.
I couldn't ask for anything better.
DW
Interesting because I had told him just the day before that he looked really swollen.
Kidney failure again? Well, we won't know until he starts vomiting again. Such a game of wait and see.
In the meantime, life is good. We are doing less and less, going out less, entertaining less, socializing less.
but I'm ok with that. It's winter. Time to hibernate. LOL!
He added netflix to every TV in the house. We can watch movies from anywhere. At least he is easily entertained!
No sugar lows to speak of. Things are very quiet....very normal. I love it!
A lull in the merry-go-round-roller-coaster.
I couldn't ask for anything better.
DW
Saturday, November 06, 2010
When he starts yelling at traffic
I've started asking if he needs to eat. I think he's going low. Why? Because we have plenty of times when we go out and he drives and he can handle the traffic, it's not problem. But other trips, when I think traffic is normal, he starts making cracks and comments about the idiot drivers.
So I've been trying to track this. And if we stop and get a quick bite, or just a cold diet soda...he seems to do much better. If we stop and go in somewhere, sit down and eat a bite, even if it's small....suddenly the traffic is no problem.....all those idiot drivers just disappeared!
Something to think about. The lower the sugar, the more idiots are on the road? Pretty funny! But there's a definite pattern with hubby.
DW
So I've been trying to track this. And if we stop and get a quick bite, or just a cold diet soda...he seems to do much better. If we stop and go in somewhere, sit down and eat a bite, even if it's small....suddenly the traffic is no problem.....all those idiot drivers just disappeared!
Something to think about. The lower the sugar, the more idiots are on the road? Pretty funny! But there's a definite pattern with hubby.
DW
Friday, November 05, 2010
No dialysis
We had an interesting conversation at lunch today. Hubby informed me that he will refuse dialysis when the time comes. He considers it "life support". He has a DNR. So I can sort of understand where he is coming from.
He was quite depressed. Says he is not going to have the back surgery. Is going to just live with the pain. I have been doing a lot of research and if he doesn't do the surgery, I think he will soon be a hunched over man. I suppose it can't hurt a lot to wait a few months, but I do worry about what will happen in the interim. I think it's the cortisone injection doing the talking right now. He had the injection 2 weeks ago and this one took, so he's getting a lot of relief from his pain. When it wears of, it may be a different story.
But I can also understand him not wanting to go through a major surgery just 8 months after open heart surgery. He is still trying to get the incision on his leg to heal. We went to wound care again today and they are not happy with the lack of progress, so have changed the protocal a 3rd time and we return in 2 weeks.
Hubby made the comment that he wished all his money wasn't going for medical care and I have to agree. Co-pay for office visits runs about $500 per month, prescriptions are running around $250 per month. That doesn't count larger co-pays for non-formulary items. I'm ever so grateful that we have the money now, but I wonder how long. And can he ever retire with these amounts of medical expenses? Probably not.
The idea of not doing dialysis scares me to death as I will then have to watch him die slowly.
And I wonder if by then the medical profession will have the power to force him to do something he doesn't want to do.
Such a horrible disease.
DW
He was quite depressed. Says he is not going to have the back surgery. Is going to just live with the pain. I have been doing a lot of research and if he doesn't do the surgery, I think he will soon be a hunched over man. I suppose it can't hurt a lot to wait a few months, but I do worry about what will happen in the interim. I think it's the cortisone injection doing the talking right now. He had the injection 2 weeks ago and this one took, so he's getting a lot of relief from his pain. When it wears of, it may be a different story.
But I can also understand him not wanting to go through a major surgery just 8 months after open heart surgery. He is still trying to get the incision on his leg to heal. We went to wound care again today and they are not happy with the lack of progress, so have changed the protocal a 3rd time and we return in 2 weeks.
Hubby made the comment that he wished all his money wasn't going for medical care and I have to agree. Co-pay for office visits runs about $500 per month, prescriptions are running around $250 per month. That doesn't count larger co-pays for non-formulary items. I'm ever so grateful that we have the money now, but I wonder how long. And can he ever retire with these amounts of medical expenses? Probably not.
The idea of not doing dialysis scares me to death as I will then have to watch him die slowly.
And I wonder if by then the medical profession will have the power to force him to do something he doesn't want to do.
Such a horrible disease.
DW
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Lynn wrote:
Thanks for enlightening me about why a diabetic rants...and how they probably can't control it. It is so great lately for us but I do think the less stressful retired lifestyle along with the antidepressants have brought about this change, because the years of being in a pressure cooker lifestyle, with kids in the house and his teaching and coaching,and then being an administrator, then even after retiring from that taking on co-running a diner...all the pressure of stress through the years created these moments of ranting and like you said, it didn't matter who got in his path, they heard it and saw it. Thanks for clarifying this...I sometimes got tired of making excuses for him, but this makes more sense. WOW! THIS IS HUGE! My hubby readings are always high, but perhaps he does dip down and that is when he blows up. thanks...this blogging about living with diabetes is a sanity saver. HUGS AND LOVE!
I think it's important to realize that highs can be the same as lows. There's an imbalance in the glucose levels. When my hubby goes high, he is very irritated and edgy. Everything annoys him. He doesn't seem to rant and rave like he does in a low, but he simply can't tolerate anything.
The other important thing is to understand how highs and lows work together to form an A1c. My hubby's A1C runs around 6.2. Yet we know that he has one low after another. In order for the A1c to be that high, he HAS to have a lot of highs to average out to be 6.2, when he has so many lows. Think of it as a ball. If a ball hits the floor and bounces 6' high, the middle is 3'. In order to keep the ball at 3', right at the middle, then every time it hits the floor (zero) it has to bounce to 6' high (the high). If it bounces to zero, then 2', then zero, then 2', then zero, then 2', the middle would only be 1 foot.
Diabetes is the very same thing. If the average is 6.2 and he has 10 lows....he had to have 10 highs in order to maintain that average.
We have done enough recordings that we're pretty certain hubby has his highs while he is sleeping. And that's probably just as bad. Well, while I don't haveto put up with his moods, highs are busy eating up his veins and nerve endings...high sugar does a lot of damage.
Again, I'm not a medical professional, I just write my own personal experiences. And close observation, notes, charts, tracking glucose levels has led us and his physicians to some rather good conculsions. I have to say that he has been pretty level since his open heart surgery. But we are also regulating his eating, exercise, activities more than he ever did in the past. He's much more regular about when he takes his meds. Is he compliant? Probably not by any medical standards. But much more than he ever was in the past.
But also, I have learned how to recognize the lows and know to make him take a glucose tablet. I know when he needs to eat. I know when to proclaim that I'm starving and I have to eat immediately! If I eat, he does, and then his sugar will come back up.
And I will say that life is much more pleasant when glucose is regulated. Don't get me wrong, we still have numerous outbursts. But I'm more prepared for them, know better how to handle them, and know that I can simply get in the car and drive away when I need to. :o)
DW
Thanks for enlightening me about why a diabetic rants...and how they probably can't control it. It is so great lately for us but I do think the less stressful retired lifestyle along with the antidepressants have brought about this change, because the years of being in a pressure cooker lifestyle, with kids in the house and his teaching and coaching,and then being an administrator, then even after retiring from that taking on co-running a diner...all the pressure of stress through the years created these moments of ranting and like you said, it didn't matter who got in his path, they heard it and saw it. Thanks for clarifying this...I sometimes got tired of making excuses for him, but this makes more sense. WOW! THIS IS HUGE! My hubby readings are always high, but perhaps he does dip down and that is when he blows up. thanks...this blogging about living with diabetes is a sanity saver. HUGS AND LOVE!
I think it's important to realize that highs can be the same as lows. There's an imbalance in the glucose levels. When my hubby goes high, he is very irritated and edgy. Everything annoys him. He doesn't seem to rant and rave like he does in a low, but he simply can't tolerate anything.
The other important thing is to understand how highs and lows work together to form an A1c. My hubby's A1C runs around 6.2. Yet we know that he has one low after another. In order for the A1c to be that high, he HAS to have a lot of highs to average out to be 6.2, when he has so many lows. Think of it as a ball. If a ball hits the floor and bounces 6' high, the middle is 3'. In order to keep the ball at 3', right at the middle, then every time it hits the floor (zero) it has to bounce to 6' high (the high). If it bounces to zero, then 2', then zero, then 2', then zero, then 2', the middle would only be 1 foot.
Diabetes is the very same thing. If the average is 6.2 and he has 10 lows....he had to have 10 highs in order to maintain that average.
We have done enough recordings that we're pretty certain hubby has his highs while he is sleeping. And that's probably just as bad. Well, while I don't haveto put up with his moods, highs are busy eating up his veins and nerve endings...high sugar does a lot of damage.
Again, I'm not a medical professional, I just write my own personal experiences. And close observation, notes, charts, tracking glucose levels has led us and his physicians to some rather good conculsions. I have to say that he has been pretty level since his open heart surgery. But we are also regulating his eating, exercise, activities more than he ever did in the past. He's much more regular about when he takes his meds. Is he compliant? Probably not by any medical standards. But much more than he ever was in the past.
But also, I have learned how to recognize the lows and know to make him take a glucose tablet. I know when he needs to eat. I know when to proclaim that I'm starving and I have to eat immediately! If I eat, he does, and then his sugar will come back up.
And I will say that life is much more pleasant when glucose is regulated. Don't get me wrong, we still have numerous outbursts. But I'm more prepared for them, know better how to handle them, and know that I can simply get in the car and drive away when I need to. :o)
DW
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
reene wrote
DW - I so feel your pain! I have so many thoughts going through my mind - I don't know where to begin! Let's see what I get down here and, if any of it makes sense. Let's start with current behavior / situation. I recently went on an east to west coast road-trip with my sister, in her move to the west coast. We had a great time driving ~4500 miles total - checking out many natural wonders of the US. In the meantime, my husband refused to take my calls back home. He kept his cell off and, wouldn't answer the home phone. Kept in touch with our adult children, who had to deal with a couple of low blood sugars during my week away (he's usually good when I'm away). Needless to say, our children had to pick me up from the airport. We really haven't spoken much since I returned which, is not much different from his recent behavior. Although, I have to say his lack of communication isn't that foreign to us - it just seems to have reached at new level. He was probably mad that I went with my sister. He's never been happy with my outside activities - not being supportive of much that I do, including continued education for career growth. But, I can't let him bring me down - make me a prisoner. If I think I'm frustrated now, I'd really be frustrated. The additional activities include: a lot of volunteering at church and working with youth when our children were still in the school system. He's currently treating for Parkinson's, after a couple of years of symptoms. A good year ago, the doc didn't feel it was Parkinson's but, upon husband's recent doc appt (after over a year not seeing a doc), the doc has decided it is Parkinson's. Multiple med's have been prescribed - they may be making a positive difference - I sure hope they are. Just did a little online research to see if there is a correlation with frequent low blood sugars (yes, probably at least a thousand of them here, too) and Parkinson's, finding that frequent severe low blood sugars can lead to brain damage.
Do we have a match? Well, I'm no MD but.... Brings me back to a doc appt I accompanied my husband to several years ago (10+, at least). I asked the doc if frequent low blood sugars could harm a person. His reply: no more than taking a sh1t or having sex. Thank you oh educated one...here I sit with yet another challenge, possibly a side effect of diabetes. I thought years ago of leaving my husband - actually kicking him out. But, our children (preschool and early elementary at the time) started acting up. It made me question: was it fair to disrupt his or their lives because I wasn't happy with how he wasn't taken care of himself? Everyone needs someone - is my purpose in life to take care of him? Have to say - not much enamored with this purpose. Don't like the anger; the frequent low blood sugars and all that comes with them; trying to function on little to no sleep the next day (most of his lows are at night - resulting in me not getting back to sleep for hours or, just in time for the alarm to go off). Additionally, our children are very frustrated with him. My daughter is very verbal thus, take her comments with a grain of salt. Our son, however, is an extremely fair, level-headed young man. When he starts expressing frustration, then I know it's not fabrication on my part. Our son asked me a few months back if my husband / his father ever said he was sorry or thank you - after I help him with a low. He has not. In fact, lately, he has begun arguing that he wasn't even low (like he did when our children were really young). The tell-tail signs were there, as were the blood sugar results I see when taking a peak at his glucose monitor. Our children have started helping me with the lows. Does this bother their father - thinking that his children are stepping in to help when he can't help himself? Did I make the right decision in sticking with him? All I know is I hate to see our children and myself be treated like the city dump.... OK, enough of my ramblings...thank you for "listening"... It's not an easy life for anyone involved, especially the diabetic.
I have written about this before, but feel it timely to write again. I'm not a doctor....just the wife of a diabetic. But you can google this and find it just about anywhere online. Of course, an actual diabetic person is not going to agree with me at all. I'm used to that by now! LOL!
Monday, November 01, 2010
some days are just funny
So, he says to me that he's not going to have the back operation. Me, I aks him questions. Why not? You said you don't want to end up living like your grandma did. What will you do?
He says he will just live with the pain.
I remind him that we haven't been anywhere together in over 2 years. It hurts him to travel. He doesn't even go to the grocery store.
He says he will just suck it up and deal with it.
So, I tell him, tomorrow, you can go get groceries.
I want to see you dancing a jig every morning
I want you walking 3 miles a day.
This morning, he gets up and comes downstairs and dances a jig.
I crack up laughing.
But I know from the look in his eyes that just about killed him!
Told him to think about things for a couple of weeks. No need to make a decision one way or another today.
But today, he is starting on Weight Watchers. at least 50 pounds to lose.
Pray for him.
It will be a miracle if he can stick with it more than 10 days. That's usually his outter limit for a diet of any kind.
A dieting diabetic dancing jigger. Not sure it could get much funnier!
Hope you find something to smile about today!
DW
He says he will just live with the pain.
I remind him that we haven't been anywhere together in over 2 years. It hurts him to travel. He doesn't even go to the grocery store.
He says he will just suck it up and deal with it.
So, I tell him, tomorrow, you can go get groceries.
I want to see you dancing a jig every morning
I want you walking 3 miles a day.
This morning, he gets up and comes downstairs and dances a jig.
I crack up laughing.
But I know from the look in his eyes that just about killed him!
Told him to think about things for a couple of weeks. No need to make a decision one way or another today.
But today, he is starting on Weight Watchers. at least 50 pounds to lose.
Pray for him.
It will be a miracle if he can stick with it more than 10 days. That's usually his outter limit for a diet of any kind.
A dieting diabetic dancing jigger. Not sure it could get much funnier!
Hope you find something to smile about today!
DW
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